Update

Update:
     My next blog entry was going to be about squirrels.  That will have to wait.

     Today I had two important doctor appointments.  The first was with the breast surgeon.  At this appointment I had my pipe (not corn cob or marijuana---Joey) dream explode.  I learned that clinically everything is going very well.  My tumor was a very aggressive tumor.   I am sure the doctor told me this information months ago when we met but I was still in the shock and awe stage of cancer.  70-80% of the cells in the tumor were in active cell division.  That shows you how aggressive and rapid it was growing.  The good news about this tumor is that it acts very well to the Chemo.  Chemo needs mitosis (go back to your biology books) to work.  The Chemo grabs onto these cancer cells and kills them.  At least that is the easy version of what is happening inside of me.  After the good news, I learned that I will not have surgery when I planned but instead a few weeks later.  I am sure you are sitting there thinking “a few weeks, that is not long, why is she freaking out….”  Days to the average person is a lifetime to me.  There is no other way to explain it.  Of course I cried when the doctor told me this.  All I want to do is to go back to work and lead a normal life (whatever that is).  I want to be driving my kids to school, writing lesson plans, teaching, photocopying, researching, cleaning the playroom, making dinner, running on my treadmill, Shabbos napping.  I have such a long time before that will occur.  I think one of the hardest things for me is that after each stage there is a month or longer wait time before you move on to the next stage.  

    After getting over the fact that my work return date is not what I wanted, we moved onto the next task.  My mother was the lovely person who came with me today to drive and help take notes.  We decided to go out for lunch. I happened to think my lunch was very yummy.  I actually picked up some dinner but then realized that I had no way of keeping it cold while we were at the next appointment.  Then we picked up a bag of ice, some fish for my parents’ dinner and some doughnuts.  I ate the doughnuts J  We briefly stopped at the post office.  We know that I love to send and receive snail mail.  Our next appointment was with the plastic surgeon who will be doing my reconstruction.  The only way I can explain this is…….After the Civil War the South was totally destroyed.   Families, farms, towns, livestock, and railroads were completely demolished thanks to William Tecumseh Sherman’s troops.  It took many years and a lot of money to rebuild the South.  The North had to take part in rebuilding the southern part of the country.  It will take lots of money and many months to rebuild me.  People from the North and the South will take part in the rebuilding process whether it is emotionally or physically.  As I said earlier there are many stages to this process. Stop reading now if you don’t want the details…….  After the breast surgeon removes the breast tissue and affected lymph nodes the plastic surgeon gets to work.  He puts in “tissue expanders.”  These tissue expanders will be in place while I go through radiation.  I will also have four drains put in that will be there to obviously drain the fluids.  We all know my feeling on these drains.  I will have several weeks to recover from being hit by a truck before I start radiation.  After I have recuperated from radiation I will have the tissue expanders replaced with implants.  There is more to what happens but I will spare you the details.  At the plastic surgeon’s appointment I got measured for my tissue expanders.  The only way to express my thoughts on this was total humiliation.  Didn’t cry but wanted to.  Held it in. 

      Overall, it was a very emotionally “draining” day.  I think the hardest part is how long this process takes. It is not a quick and easy process.  At the end of the day I have to keep everything in perspective.  I know that things were extend by a few weeks.  Remember though, weeks to you are “never ending” to me.  A very close friend sent me this article.  I read it at a time when I was down and it totally lifted my spirits.  I will need to print it out and keep it in my pocket.  



Some words that I truly believe in:
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly--proverb

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.
It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here's an update:  By Regina Brett

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.