The first round of Taxol was a very hard round.The severe joint pain that the doctor warned me about occurred and wiped me out big time.However, this week was a much better week.On Tuesday and Wednesday I walked four miles on my treadmill.It felt good to get moving.My toes were a little numb still from the Taxol but I just kept on walking.Today, I got out and did a few errands.I tried to park far away and get some walking in. I cooked my own Shabbos meal this week! Go me!
I plan to be out and about this coming weekend.It is amazing how great I feel at the end of the cycle….only to start it all over again.Monday is Taxol #2.My cousin Lindsey had so much fun during Taxol #1 that she decided to go again me with.I picked up some movies today for us at 5 Below . They were buy two for five dollars.I just couldn’t pass that bargain up.
A wise young lady sent me this quote and it really it home.
“Cancer is a word, not a sentence” --- John Diamond
Here are a few more quotes that I recently read which I felt were meaningful.
“Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death”---Author Unknown
“The only disability in life is a bad attitude.”---Scott Hamilton
“It’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” ---Abraham Lincoln
What would a blog entry be without a Friends reference?This clip is a bit long but it really makes me laugh. I hope you laugh as well.
This past Monday I had my first infusion of Taxol.I was told that it would be a long infusion.Luckily my awesome cousin Lindsey came with me to help pass the time.We watched two movies (Enchanted and Despicable Me) and two Friends episodes.Honestly I don’t remember much of what we watched but I do remember laughing. I was definitely nervous at first but once I was stabbed and hooked up, my nerves calmed down.It also could be that they gave me a ton of Benadryl that made me very, very, very sleepy.I came home to an awesome package from my best “snail mail” sender, Erica.The shirt was so amazing that it totally made me forget that I just poured a ton of poison into my body.
Monday night was not too bad.On Tuesday, I felt great. I was on top of the world!This Taxol is not so bad….On Tuesday night, I did get some upsetting news about my Grandmother which emotionally turned my world upside down. This is really too personal for me to discuss at this time. As the night went on, I noticed that my body was starting to ache a little.Wednesday morning came and BAM, I could barely move.When my oncologist told me that I would get “severe joint pain” for 24-48 hours, she was not lying.At first it was all of my legs.The pain was so intense even Ambien couldn’t put me to sleep.I spent most of Wednesday in bed (with Elisheva next to me playing with her toys).I spent most of Thursday in bed as well.I did make myself get up on Thursday and walk around to keep my body moving.Yes, I cleaned the playroom because it forced me to move around. And we all know I feel so much better when all the toys are in the right place. As Thursday went on, I felt as if the pain was starting to leave my body. It was not my entire leg, just my knees and anything below my knees. I am not lying when I say that even my toes hurt.My toes hurt like crazy.Even though I was in a lot of pain, the girls made me smile with “here comes turtle.”I really thought I was moving at a normal pace….apparently I was not.
This whole blog entry is not to complain about the pain or to make you feel sorry for me. That was not my goal.My goal was to let you know that I am ok and that I made it through Taxol #1.Not only did I make it through the pain but I did it without taking Percoset (which causes me to hallucinate).Wednesday, I knew that I was going to need help in the evening before Stephen got home.My first clue was that I could barely move.Lindsey and her brother Marc came over and really helped me out.Even though we did a lot of sitting around, it was great to know that someone was there to help me with Shua.Marc and Shua had a nice playdate.
Lindsey had a lovely time feeding (literally feeding) my daughters.I am very grateful to have such wonderful family members who have seemed to always show up in my time of need.Friday, I was successful in getting to Target and walking the aisles (at a turtle’s pace).Saturday I made it to Shul and even went for a walk with my friend Cheryl.Sunday I was able to walk down the stairs without flinching from knee pain. It was a long, painful and emotional week, but I made it through it.Of course all the little things that people did helped me.Elisheva “did the doctor say you could watch tv?”Ruthie “pick up the pace turtle, I don’t have all day.” Erica “small package will be waiting for you when you get home from chemo.”Emily sent her son Max out to Ruthie’s bus stop with two delicious muffins on chemo day.Elisa sending me “Joey doesn’t share food” video clips which really made me laugh.Elisa sending me funny shirts that make me stare cancer in the face and laugh because I will win.Watching Lindsey feed Elisheva her chicken and watching Marc chase after Shua.Adele dropping off a box of Dora toys from a colleague for my kids. Thank you Lila and your daughter for your generosity. Alex playing with Elisheva so I could go to Shul and feel like it was an ordinary Sabbath. Walking with my friend Cheryl like we used to do before I was diagnosed and talking about just about anything.Getting a text from my brother with a picture of a shirt with a paper attached that says: “Race for the cure, in celebration of Rachel Isler.” Seeing Shua play with Lenn and watching Shua sit in Blu’s cage.Blu is Lenn’s dog. I very often refer to Shua as my little puppy.He eats my flip flops, cleans up the floor by eating everything he finds, runs to the door when he hears the word walk, and chews on everything. My google chats with my brother Aaron. Getting my weekly Rabbi email "how are you doing?" One of these days Rabbi, you will learn that I prefer to say "How ya doin?" Lastly, but most importantly, hearing my grandmother’s voice and being able for her to hear my voice. It is amazing how one little “I love you” can really change how you are feeling and how you will conquer the day.It has been two months since I had my port surgery and my first dose of Chemo.Two months, two months.….thank you to everyone that has helped me get this far.One day at a time….
Quote: Always in motion is the future. (and so is Shua) ---Yoda, Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
A few years ago, I had a student Lenn who changed my world.In September, October and November he was a typical 7th grader.He always had his homework, smiled and was well liked by his peers.He was a fantastic student who was always prepared for class.A teacher’s dream!Suddenly his world was flipped upside down.He had a cancerous tumor removed from his brain. I still remember getting a call from a teammate telling me to read my school email.I remember reading the email from his parents over and over in total shock.I remember telling Stephen to read the email because I couldn’t verbally tell him because I was still in shock.He seemed healthy.He was so young, how could this happen to him?
Throughout that year, I became close with his family.As a team (in school) we went full force in making sure that Lenn had a great 7th grade year and had the support that he needed.The girls and a few boys created shirts that said “Team Lenn.”The shirts were worn all year long.Some of the boys shaved their heads in support of Lenn.The math teacher on our team also shaved his head.In my crazy mind, I felt that Lenn needed a scrapbook.So I made him one…..what was I thinking?Also, I worked with a group of teachers to run a blood drive for him. We actually ended up running two blood drives for Lenn.
My daughters fell in love with Lenn and his winning personality.They loved seeing him and going to his house to play.They both got to feed the fish and that is truly exciting for a little kid.They loved the big bucket of his sister’s polly pockets.Lenn was so awesome that he got down on the ground and played polly pockets with Ruthie and Elisheva.No matter how sick Lenn was he always smiled and talked with Ruthie.He came to the girls’ birthday parties and came to Shua’s Bris.Our families were joined in sadness but also in happiness.
Without even knowing it Lenn motivated me a lot.Whenever I was feeling lazy about exercising, I would just look at a picture of Lenn (one of the blood drive posters) and say to myself“no excuse!”Without even realizing it Lenn is still motivating me.Whenever I feel down I see that picture (same blood drive poster—we all know I am pack rat) and it is a swift kick in my butt to get up and get moving.When I was in the hospital, I was freaking out because the ER doctor said I could possibly have to have my port removed (it was just put in).I sent Lenn a text and he was so relaxed and totally put me at ease.He sent me a text the other day checking up on me to see how things were.It was an infusion week and the first day I was off steroids which is always a rough day.He asked how I was.I responded with “eh….how ya doing?”This is me avoiding that question that I get so often and hate so much.(How are you doing?) Being that Lenn has “been there and done that,” I thought he would like the truth.Usually when people ask “how are you doing” I lie and say “fine or ok.”Sometimes it is just easier that way.A few days later Lenn’s father was checking up on me.Lenn told him my response.I felt so bad that I was so short with my response.Once again, without realizing it Lenn kicked my butt into gear.Once again, if an 11 year old boy can do it, what is my excuse?
Today I had the opportunity to watch Lenn and his sister Jamie celebrate their Bar and Bat Mitzvahs.It was an amazing experience.They both have grown so much over the past few years.They delivered well written speeches that were both serious and comical.There were a few times that I was caught off guard. Jamie said a prayer for healing and mentioned my name.Ok, I could handle that, I am sick and I will take a healing prayer.Then Lenn mentioned me in his speech.Of course he talked about me being crazy and making him a scrapbook.I am sorry Lenn, people do strange things when they learn that someone is sick.I am finding this out first hand.Lenn brought tears to my eyes.Of course Stephen had my tissues with him when he took Shua to the back because he was so noisy.Of course I have no nose hairs and my nose became a faucet.Jamie and Lenn shared this poem with their guests that I had never read before.
Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability- to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this…
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip -to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.” ” Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around… and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills… and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy…and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.
But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things …about Holland.
In his speech, Lenn welcomed me to Holland and promised to help me get through this journey.Who is being the teacher now and who is being the student learning the ways of cancer?Before I was diagnosed Lenn had taught me so much. He taught me that you don’t give up and you take each day one at a time.He taught me that you do what is important to you.He used to come to school even though he was so sick because he wanted to be a 7th grader.Even when he was in a wheel chair the boy was smiling away and laughing.He was unbelievable. He was a true inspiration to all. Now I see him so healthy and smiling like a child should be.I saw him dancing it up on the dance floor and doing the limbo.It was so great to see him living life.I am glad that Lenn is there to be my tour guide as I experience Holland.Once again our families are joined in happiness and sadness.
Tomorrow is the first infusion of a new drug, Taxol.It is a very long infusion because many people have reactions to the casing of the drug.I was told at my last infusion to “bring my lunch…..and my dinner.”My cousin Lindsey will be taking me and hanging out with me all day long. I hope she still wants to be “friends” with me after spending all day with me.She is a big Friends fan, so you know there will be a lot of Friends watching.
Lenn is a huge Family Guy fan. I personally can’t stand that show.It is so not funny to me.I did watch a few episodes so that I could talk with Lenn about it.I think I watched one fun episode and probably zoned out for most of it.I like to watch TBS (Friends) and there is a commercial that always reminds me of Lenn.I find the commercial annoying but always smile because I think of Lenn and all that he has gone through.
This entry is a serious blog post which has nothing to do with Cancer or my treatment.
Most of you know that I teach 7th grade American History.I love teaching history. Sometimes I really get into what I am teaching and read everything I can about the topic.I don’t teach about WWII because that is an 8th grade topic.However, I wanted to expand my knowledge on certain parts of WWII.This summer, I started watching the t.v. series “Band of Brothers.”First of all, wow!It was very well done.There were a few episodes that really hit home and made me think about things.One episode was titled “Bastogne.”The 101st were stuck in the woods during the winter.The 101st lost a lot of men during this part of the war.It really made me think about these young boys who were in fox holes in the middle of winter with trees exploding over them from German artillery. They didn’t have proper clothing, food, or medical needs.Several episodes later (Why we fight) the 101st comes upon a German work camp.This is the first time the men and the officers see a German work camp and see what the Germans were doing to the Jewish people.As I watched “Why We Fight,” my thoughts went back to the Bastogne scenes.These young boys were fighting and doing the unthinkable without even really knowing what they were fighting for.I learned a lot about the 101st and want to take some time to honor them for what they did.
This brings to me current day.There are so many men and women that are fighting so other people can have their freedom. It is so easy to go about our day without thinking of them and what they are doing.I want to take a moment and thank all those that have served or are currently serving.I want to thank my father, uncles, grandfather and cousin for serving.I want to thank my brother Joey and his fellow graduates from West Point that went into the Army.I want to thank my cousin Adam who is currently serving his country.I know a lot of my blog followers think of me on a regular basis.Now when you think of me take another moment and think of those that are away from home serving our country.
Winters: [quoting from a letter Mike Ranney wrote to him]: I cherish the memory of a question my grandson asked me the other day, when he said: 'Grandpa, were you a hero in the war?' Grandpa said, "No. But I served in a company of heroes."
