Small World

Small World:

    Disclaimer this entry is a long one.  

    A few years ago, I had a student Lenn who changed my world.  In September, October and November he was a typical 7^th grader.   He always had his homework, smiled and was well liked by his peers.  He was a fantastic student who was always prepared for class.  A teacher’s dream!  Suddenly his world was flipped upside down.  He had a cancerous tumor removed from his brain. I still remember getting a call from a teammate telling me to read my school email.  I remember reading the email from his parents over and over in total shock.  I remember telling Stephen to read the email because I couldn’t verbally tell him because I was still in shock.  He seemed healthy.  He was so young, how could this happen to him?

     

     Throughout that year, I became close with his family.  As a team (in school) we went full force in making sure that Lenn had a great 7^th grade year and had the support that he needed.  The girls and a few boys created shirts that said “Team Lenn.”  The shirts were worn all year long.  Some of the boys shaved their heads in support of Lenn.  The math teacher on our team also shaved his head.  In my crazy mind, I felt that Lenn needed a scrapbook.  So I made him one…..what was I thinking?   Also, I worked with a group of teachers to run a blood drive for him. We actually ended up running two blood drives for Lenn.

     

      My daughters fell in love with Lenn and his winning personality.  They loved seeing him and going to his house to play.  They both got to feed the fish and that is truly exciting for a little kid.  They loved the big bucket of his sister’s polly pockets.  Lenn was so awesome that he got down on the ground and played polly pockets with Ruthie and Elisheva.  No matter how sick Lenn was he always smiled and talked with Ruthie.  He came to the girls’ birthday parties and came to Shua’s Bris.  Our families were joined in sadness but also in happiness.

       

      Without even knowing it Lenn motivated me a lot.  Whenever I was feeling lazy about exercising, I would just look at a picture of Lenn (one of the blood drive posters) and say to myself  “no excuse!”  Without even realizing it Lenn is still motivating me.  Whenever I feel down I see that picture (same blood drive poster—we all know I am pack rat) and it is a swift kick in my butt to get up and get moving.  When I was in the hospital, I was freaking out because the ER doctor said I could possibly have to have my port removed (it was just put in).  I sent Lenn a text and he was so relaxed and totally put me at ease.  He sent me a text the other day checking up on me to see how things were.  It was an infusion week and the first day I was off steroids which is always a rough day.  He asked how I was.  I responded with “eh….how ya doing?”  This is me avoiding that question that I get so often and hate so much.  (How are you doing?) Being that Lenn has “been there and done that,” I thought he would like the truth.  Usually when people ask “how are you doing” I lie and say “fine or ok.”  Sometimes it is just easier that way.  A few days later Lenn’s father was checking up on me.  Lenn told him my response.  I felt so bad that I was so short with my response.  Once again, without realizing it Lenn kicked my butt into gear.  Once again, if an 11 year old boy can do it, what is my excuse?

    

          Today I had the opportunity to watch Lenn and his sister Jamie celebrate their Bar and Bat Mitzvahs.  It was an amazing experience.  They both have grown so much over the past few years.  They delivered well written speeches that were both serious and comical.  There were a few times that I was caught off guard. Jamie said a prayer for healing and mentioned my name.   Ok, I could handle that, I am sick and I will take a healing prayer.  Then Lenn mentioned me in his speech.  Of course he talked about me being crazy and making him a scrapbook.  I am sorry Lenn, people do strange things when they learn that someone is sick.  I am finding this out first hand.  Lenn brought tears to my eyes.  Of course Stephen had my tissues with him when he took Shua to the back because he was so noisy.  Of course I have no nose hairs and my nose became a faucet.  Jamie and Lenn shared this poem with their guests that I had never read before.

Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability- to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this…

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip -to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.” ” Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around… and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills… and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy…and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things …about Holland.

    In his speech, Lenn welcomed me to Holland and promised to help me get through this journey.  Who is being the teacher now and who is being the student learning the ways of cancer?  Before I was diagnosed Lenn had taught me so much. He taught me that you don’t give up and you take each day one at a time.  He taught me that you do what is important to you.  He used to come to school even though he was so sick because he wanted to be a 7^th grader.  Even when he was in a wheel chair the boy was smiling away and laughing.  He was unbelievable.  He was a true inspiration to all. Now I see him so healthy and smiling like a child should be.  I saw him dancing it up on the dance floor and doing the limbo.  It was so great to see him living life.  I am glad that Lenn is there to be my tour guide as I experience Holland.  Once again our families are joined in happiness and sadness. 

    Tomorrow is the first infusion of a new drug, Taxol.  It is a very long infusion because many people have reactions to the casing of the drug.  I was told at my last infusion to “bring my lunch…..and my dinner.”  My cousin Lindsey will be taking me and hanging out with me all day long. I hope she still wants to be “friends” with me after spending all day with me.  She is a big Friends fan, so you know there will be a lot of Friends watching. 

   Lenn is a huge Family Guy fan. I personally can’t stand that show.  It is so not funny to me.  I did watch a few episodes so that I could talk with Lenn about it.  I think I watched one fun episode and probably zoned out for most of it.  I like to watch TBS (Friends) and there is a commercial that always reminds me of Lenn.  I find the commercial annoying but always smile because I think of Lenn and all that he has gone through.

This video is for Lenn :)