Sometimes things don't go according to the plan. I learned this back in July when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Today, mother nature got in the way of my plan. I was very much bummed about the October snow storm. I laid in bed most of yesterday. I would read a book to Elisheva and then drift off for a little bit. Every time Elisheva would wake me for another story, I would look outside and say out loud "STOP SNOWING!" There was a few times that Elisheva even got out of bed and went over to the window and asked for the snow to stop for me.
Here is how I spent my day:
My awesome cousins and their new shirts.
Phone Party
Soaring through the air at lightning speed to save the day!
Flying through the air carrying my mere mortal younger brother.
My brother came home from Boston for the walk. Slept in New York City because all buses and trains were stopped to NJ.
Awesome shirts! Thanks Everyone!
Thanks for making the day go by quickly and making me laugh and smile.
Those that have seen Ruthie lately have seen her loose tooth. She was constantly playing with it with her tongue and her finger. Finally, it was hanging by a thread. I worked at it for a little bit and then she got the courage and pulled it out. She put it in a sandwich bag until it was time to put it under her pillow.
Last Saturday night she was skyping with a friend. She wanted to show this friend her tooth. She ran upstairs and came back with the bag and the tooth. After she was done showing off the tooth she stuck the bag on the table.
While Ruthie was skyping I was making snack bags up. I have a shoe bag on a door. I use this shoe bag to organize my snacks for the week. I have spots for both girls for every day of the week. I load up the shoe bag on Sunday with all the snacks. It is very easy to load up the lunch boxes each morning.
I also made more snack bags. I packed up bags for our trip to the circus. I also packed up snack bags for my chemo appointment. Needless to say there were tons of Kix bags, pretzel bags, animal cracker bags, tea biscuit bags.
It is now time for Ruthie to go to bed. She gets all the way upstairs and realizes that she left her tooth downstairs. She comes down the stairs and this is what happens:
Ruthie: "where is my tooth?"
me: "where did you leave it?"
Ruthie: "in the bag on the table."
me: "oh, no! I think I made a snack bag out of it!"
me: frantically checking all gazillion snack bags for a little white tooth. This tooth was bigger than the last two teeth that she lost but it was still pretty small. I spent a good amount of time checking each bag and rechecking the bag because I can't find the tooth anywhere. I feel absolutely horrible because we have been waiting for so long for this tooth to finally come out.
I decide to stop checking the bags. I look up and notice that the bag with Ruthie's tooth is sitting on the opposite side of the table. I take a deep breathe and then send Ruthie off to bed with her tooth!
I hope this little story made you laugh. It surely was comical (after the fact).
Running has always been a huge part of my life. My fellow runners understand it when I say "I truly enjoy running." One year in high school I even went to running camp. I used to run on the roads all over the place. Then I got married and had kids. It was harder to actually run outside. I bought myself a treadmill. I used to run either at 4:00 AM before work or after Ruthie went to bed. Then it was after Elisheva and Ruthie went to bed. Then it was....well Shua didn't really go to bed at a decent time. He is finally just getting the concept of a bed time and actually sleeping for most of the night.
I have already posted about my Tuesdays after Taxol. These are great days for me. I can move around freely and accomplish tasks. I do as much as I can on Tuesdays because I know what is to come on Wednesday and Thursday.
This pictures is for my oncologist. You have three pregnancies where you gained enormous amounts of weight, 8 rounds of chemo which does all sorts of things to your body, and be mentally preparing for a bi-lateral mastectomy and then we can discuss losing weight.
Then I continued to walk for the rest of the hour. Totaling: 4.6 miles.
Melissa Etheridge says it best:
I run for hope
I run to feel
I run for the truth
For all that is real
I run for your mother your sister your wife
I run for you and me my friend I run for life
When the song first came out it was a source of motivation when I was running on the treadmill. Now the song has even more meaning to me. No one ever expects to be the "one" with cancer. Now, I am running for myself. Thank you Adele for bringing the song back into my life. It was a great source of motivation as I used the treadmill this morning.
I promise the next blog will be lighter and will totally make you laugh. Will work on it now and post it tomorrow.
Can't wait for the Walk/Run on Sunday. I know that the Taxol will make it difficult for me to actually do the walking but I will be there trying my best! Thank you to all the people that have been working hard to make it happen. It means so much to me.
What an emotionally filled day. I was quite nervous today. It was my last infusion. I have stayed healthy and had all my infusions on the scheduled date. This is a huge deal in a cancer patient's life. Today I was nervous that my levels would not be up to par and the infusion would be pushed back. I had a little cold or allergies this past week which caused me to be very anxious. I paced the house this morning until it was time to leave. We went through the regular routine. My levels checked out great. Then, my port was accessed and the pre-meds were infused. Wow! What a relief. I was able to sit back and close my eyes a little while I listened to Friends in the background and my cousin saying "are you sleeping?"
Me with my "vile" and my awesome shirt. I was proud to wear my shirt and showed it to everyone. When I first started chemo, October 24th was millions of days away. It had finally come and I made sure that I made the best of it.
My cousin Lindsey came today with me. She has been amazing throughout this process. She has spent countless hours sitting with me while I was administered my poison. She has helped me stay warm and safely get to the bathroom. She has provided comfort and laughter. She has come to my house when I need a lending hand during the terrible joint pain experiences. She has come over for a few minutes here and there just to be there for me. It has made me realize that is what family is all about. I would never have made it through 8 infusions without you Lindsey. You have been a rock and I will never ever forget what you have done for me. Thank you and I love you.
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Lindsey protecting the "vile" so I don't lose it this time.......and Kimmie spilling her tea.
Today I had the added company of Lindsey's sister Kimmie. Together the two of them provided great entertainment for me. I had one one each side of me. What a way to graduate. They kept me laughing and smiling and were there to ask all the questions that I couldn't think of. Kimmie is one of the nurses in the family. She had some great questions for the doctor and nurses today. Things that I never thought about and were very important to know. Kimmie along with my other cousin Rebecca have given me my Neualasta shot the day after my infusion. Kimmie, thank you for giving me the shot. You saved me a trip back to the chemo place. You let me hang out in my pj's and stay in the comfort of my home where I truly want to be. You came after your long shifts to help me. You came when you were not up to driving and found a ride over to help me out. Thank again for all those shots. I love you for them......and hate you 24 hours after you stab me.
Yea! Nurse Kimmie came to hang out with me while I graduated chemo.
After I graduated from Chemo my cousins took me to Carvel. My doctor gave me a whole speech about after all "this" is over I have to have a life change. I will have to pass by the Carvel. Little does she know that before I was diagnosed, I rarely ate the food that I loved. I went more than a year without ice cream and chocolate. Little did she know before diagnosis I was running 9 minute miles 3-4 days a week. I would usually try to do at least 4 miles during each workout. Little did she know that my fanatic exercise was the reason that I found the mass which started this roller coaster. Little does she know that I yearn for my treadmill and the days that I can physically walk or jog I use my treadmill and walk/jog those 4 miles. Not a 9 minute mile pace but I do it regardless. Little did she know that during treatment I went 2 infusions without ice cream and exercised and lost zero pounds. This conversation was a low point in the day. Stopping by Carvel was very uplifting for me today. Thanks Kimmie for making the executive decision and just driving there. At Carvel, I picked up a little cake to celebrate graduation with my family. At the last minute, I invited over family and some friends. I couldn't really plan something more in advance because I didn't want to jinx myself. I didn't want to plan something and then my levels not be right. It was all on a whim. Don't worry Dr. I didn't eat any of the cake.
Touchdown! I did it!
Party Time! Aunt Judy why are you not on the couch with everyone else? Thank you Rebecca for your card. That was very thoughtful of you. You need to get me a cape so I can wear it at the next stage of this journey. Thank you Elisa for stopping by. I guess I put my camera away when you came. I will catch you at the next bridge and make sure I get some snap shots of us together fighting and winning this battle.
Wearing my graduation hat and throwing it in the air! Yes those are my honor cords from high school.
Everyone of all ages shared in the ice cream festivities.
Some get excited over ice cream and another gets excited over candles! Thanks Uncle Mike/Monkey for posing with the candle.
Now for a little Friends clip: I am technologically challenged. Just cut and paste the below link and watch the little clip. Thanks Mitch for finding this. I tried and failed. You need to watch it before you watch the other video.
Listen close and see if you can hear a man's voice in the video. It connects to the previous Friends clip. I am sorry that the video is sideways. I am again technologically challenged and couldn't turn it.
At the end of infusion. Done! Finished! No more Chemo! Over! Moving on! Next bridge here I come with my support team right next to me!
Most people like routine and thrive in structured environments. I had my first Chemo infusion on the same day I had my chest port placed in. Honestly, I just wanted to get the show on the road. I had all of this done at Morristown Memorial. My following chemo appointments were done in a different building in Parsippany. It is a smaller facility (more homey) and closer to my house. Many different people have taken me to my appointments. They have had the opportunity to experience what a typical chemo appointment is like. Here is a tour of a typical day.
First the waiting room.
I am usually in the waiting room for a few minutes. I sign in and pay. Yes, each visit requires payment. By the time I am done paying, the nurse comes and calls my name. I usually don't sit down because we wait in this area for a few minutes.
Then we go to the waiting area for blood work.
I took a picture of Stephen in this area. I sit in these chairs before I get my finger pricked and after I get pricked while I wait for the doctor.
Here is the Red chair that I sit in to get my finger pricked to have my levels checked. They need to make sure that my white blood count is good as well as my hemoglobin levels. If anything is not up to par, I can't not have my infusion.
While I get my finger pricked, the nurse gives me a vile to hold on to. This vile is used by the nurses to draw blood from my chest port. I am supposed to keep track of the vile to hand to the nurses. There was once incident where I lost it. Lindsey was convinced that it was in my pocket. It was no where to be found. At the following appointment the doctor told me that I had left it in the examining room.
Here I am holding my very important vile.
The next place I go is to the examining room to be checked out by the doctor.
After the doctor examines me I get to chat with her in her office. First we talk about how the past two weeks went. Then we discuss the next step in the journey.
After I speak with the doctor, she draws up the orders for infusion. I then go to the "chair" and wait for the nurses to access my port and get the infusion started.
The Chair:
I usually take the first chair. It is next to a wall and gives me a little more privacy to watch my movies/Friends episodes at a loud volume. There is a tv in the room and most of the people try to sit near it. I stay away from it so I can hear what I am watching. During the infusion I usually get really cold. I usually dress in layers and make sure I have thick socks on to help keep me warm. There are times that I need a blanket because I am so cold and can't warm up.
Here I am hanging with my pump which is pumping the poison into my body through my chest port. Next to me I have my water and food bag. I usually bring a whole bag of food. I will eat the entire time I am there. Lindsey can vouch for this. As a creature of routine, I usually bring the same things. I know that I have to stock up on food. Once I leave the appointment, I get the "rocks in my mouth" taste and won't eat for a while.
I am creature of routine. I have worn the same clothes for each infusion (except the first one). I wear a gray long sleeve shirt. The shirt is very comfy and stretches so my port can be accessed easily. I also wear a jacket to help keep me warm. I wear a long khaki skirt (thank you Devorah for giving it to me). It is long and keeps my longs warm. I also wear thick socks (as mentioned before). I usually will wear my flip flops. My feet fall asleep if I wear my sneakers because I keep crossing my legs to try and get comfortable.
October 24th: That date could not arrive fast enough. It is my last scheduled chemo infusion. Here is what I will be wearing when I walk into that first waiting room. (Thanks Elisa, fellow warrior, for my awesome shirt).
I have already warned the nurses that I would be wearing it and they can't get anything on it! Fingers crossed that my levels are fine and we can get on with the show....
On my off weeks, I usually feel pretty decent. I feel up to going places and seeing people. The only catch is that my immune system is at its lowest during this time. So when I feel up to seeing people and going to stores, I can’t. I usually just hang out in my house in “isolation.” My attention span is not so great due to the Chemo. Lately, I have been playing this game “words with friends.” It is perfect for me. I make a move and then my opponent makes a move. Sometimes the games take a few days and other times I finish one in a few hours. It forces me to use my mind some. When I really can’t focus I don’t have to play. When I am bored there is usually someone who is willing to play with me.
I have several games going on at one time. In some cases I have several games going with the same person. I even play with people on the west coast. Some nights I have a hard time sleeping so it is great to turn on my computer and have a game waiting for me. I have even made Stephen play the game with me. He sits in the basement and I sit upstairs. I can usually hear his computer “bing” after I make my move. I know that we could play a board game together but that has no chance of surviving with Shua around. He has been practicing yanking the table cloth off and trying to leave all the objects on top of the table. He is failing miserably.
At first, I started playing games with my extended family members. I figured they could tolerate my chemo brain. Now I feel as I am a professional “words with friends” player. (I still won’t play with Erica’s husband Bill again….I think the score was 519 – 26). I have touched base with friends from college and high school through playing this game. It is great to play and chat with everyone.
Many of you know that I am very competitive. “Words with Friends” has provided me with some competition as well as using my mind. After losing my first game to my cousin Josh, I had to keep playing until I won. That first round I lost 347 to 280. It was an ugly game. Not as ugly as my game with Bill Arrington though. Josh was kind enough to continue playing with me. After a few more games I won. It was a personal goal to beat him. My other cousin Kim has warned me that Josh comes up with ridiculous high scoring words. She didn't lie. During this last game, I made sure that every move was worth the maximum points. He promises that he will win the next game that we play. He probably will but I will keep at it.
Thank you to all my “friends with words” players. You have helped me pass the time of round 7. You have helped me keep my mind by doing something that requires thinking. You have made me smile with some of the words played. The friendly competition has been wonderful for me. Our conversations during the games have provided me with human contact during “isolation time.” It was a just “game” to you but it was “everything” to me. Thank you and keep the games going!
Quote: Ok, I am sure you are doing much more important things like healing, tending to your children and is there a holiday this week? BUT I am just reminding you that you have not moved in 29 hours!!! You know (wordswithfriends) LOL-Hope all is well! ---Christine Birney Wans (posted on my fb page)
