Friends

Friends:

Many of you know that I have been spending a lot of time with Joey, Chandler, Ross, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe.  However, they are not my real “friends.”  Through this illness I have come to look at the word friend in a whole new light.

    For starters, thank you for all the donations that have been made to help me get through this illness.  My friend Adele is just about as anal as I am.  She is keeping amazing records.  I do hope to send out personal thank you cards in the future.  Those that truly know me know that I am all about the “thank you.”

    I have always been the type of person to know a lot of people.  My dad was always super friendly and remembered everyone he ever met.  I guess it sort of rubbed off on me.  However, I did feel that I really only had a few truly close friends or as little kids like to say “best friends.”  You know the people that you call all the time to talk about everything and nothing at the same time:  the people that would come over in a blink of an eye to help you out with whatever you needed help with.

      Since diagnosis, I have had to lean on so many different people for so many different reasons.  They have all come through for me in more ways than I thought possible.

       Stephen is my husband and also my best friend.  He has been there from the start.  He has gone to doctor appointments with me.  He took diligent notes and asked the big questions.  He was my voice when I just couldn’t talk.  He also has the brave face on.  I don’t really see him scared or afraid of the next step.  He still can joke with me.  He has made fun of my sun burn on my back and my badly bruised arms after a gazillion needle sticks.  “wow, you look horrible…”  I even told him I was going to tell the Rabbi on him if he keeps making fun of me.

      My parents have been amazing.  They have helped me with the kids, the house, and me.  My guest room looks like a true aisle at Costco (thanks dad).  My dad finally broke down and slept at my house.  I am just sad that I missed the sleep over and had to hang out with the Morristown hospital staff instead.

     My Aunts, Uncle and cousins have come over numerous times.  They have watched Barbie movies with me, brought me Miralax (without any questions), brought me tons of milkshakes and ice cream for the whole family, took off my bandages, administered my shot after Chemo (thank goodness Kimmie is a nurse!!!).

     Adele has pretty much done everything and anything and deserves a little shout out in the blog.  She has watched my kids so much that they get confused when they wake up and Adele is not coming over.  She has driven me to appointments and made sure I got the right documentation before I left the office.  Every time she walks in the house she has something for the kids or me.  She has organized the account to raise money for me.  She took me to bank with her to get added to the account.  Her face was completely decorated by my daughters. It was definitely worth getting out of the house and into public.

    Cheryl is super organizer.  All I need to say is Cheryl I need…..and then poof it is done.  She is so amazing.  She has sat with me while I have cried and when I have laughed.  She has taken my kids places and made sure that they still have a fun summer.  Even in my fever induced panic state of mind on Tuesday night, Cheryl was able to comprehend me and help me get started on finding a babysitter to help with the kids.  She was able to make sure that we had Shabbos food and that things were bought at Shoprite for us.

     Fiona has also spent so many hours driving me to appointments and then just waiting for me while I take test after test.  It was fun to catch up and share some of our old stories. For a short time, we laughed and I forgot that I had breast cancer and was starting Chemotherapy. Thanks for those brief moments of laughter and fun.

     Lenn, a young kid and former student, who unfortunately has been through this all before, has been there to hear me complain and share my fears.  He always comes back with a positive and encouraging text which helps me get through to the next phase.

     Thank you to my high school friends that I have not seen or spoken to in years but you still sent in a donation.  That means so much to me.  Thank you to my college friends that didn’t bat an eye and sent in a check.  I was truly touched by the notes and the words of encouragement.

     My CMS family has been a great source of support through this journey.  I know they will continue to be there for me as I venture on to the next phase of this journey.

   It was a very long week.  Most of my days were spent at Morristown Memorial avoiding people and germs.  I was successful in getting my white blood cell count up.  My blood cultures turned out negative.  I returned home on Friday.  And because my life is not exciting enough, I returned home to see Ruthie and Elisheva have started a “cap collection.” Yes, all their markers are no longer working markers, but they sure do have a lot of caps!  Shua came to give me a big welcome and then proceeded to bite me twice.  I attempted to feed him dinner which he shared all right back with me.  It was a lovely homecoming.   

Tomorrow starts round two of Chemotherapy.  As I have blogged before, I own this round!

“I get by with a little help from my friends.” ---John Lennon

 This a picture of my "happy wall."  Thank you for all the cards and well wishes. I have not added all my cards. I try and put a few up each day. 

Chemo Round 1

Chemo Round 1: Chemo won.  But anyone that knows me, knows that I don’t just give up at sports or games.  I usually keep playing until I win and win big.  When I was younger I started running cross country.  I was not very good at first.  It would take me forever to finish a race.  I believe it was over a half hour the first race I ran.  Sure enough I worked at and put my all into running.  By my senior year I was down to 23:00 minutes for 3.1miles. 

  I ended up in the hospital one week and one day from my first Chemo treatment.  I had a fever of 102.  I am still waiting the results of my blood cultures to see if it is a bacterial infection or hopefully just a viral infection.  Yesterday was a horrible day for me.  I did not feel well and my legs were in extreme pain.  I had really hit bottom.  Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom to realize what needs to be done. 

   I told Stephen as we waited in the ER that Chemo won this round but I will win the next round and the following rounds.   I will arm myself to fight and win this battle. I have admitted defeat and yesterday proved that I can’t do it all and that I do need help.  I have arranged for a full time babysitter to help me care for the girls and for Shua.  Shua by far is the hardest part of my day.  He needs constant attention.  He likes to be held (mostly by Stephen) or wants to sit in your lap on the floor.  I just have not been able to do that with him.  He is just like his sister Elisheva and has a very easy gag reflex.  It is pretty normal for him to eat a meal and then gag and it all comes right back up.  Yup, he did this to me yesterday. In a way it was a good thing because it sort of pushed me to realizing what needed to be done.

  So moving forward, I will have help with the kids. I will allow others to do the cooking and the cleaning.  I will rest and stay away from people to avoid catching another illness. One day at a time. One step at a time.  Round Two (Monday August 1^st), here I come and I will conquer this round!

A woman is like a tea bag---you never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water.—Eleanor Roosevelt

How you doin?

Entry number two:

I have told some people about my Joey Tribbiani experience under Valium.  I decided that everyone deserves a little laugh.  While I was having my chest port put in, I was in and out of consciousness.  At one point the surgeon asked "How are you doing?"  I responded with "No, how youuuuuu doin? giggle, giggle, and then was out again."  Of course I remembered this experience much later in the evening and of coursed giggled.


A special thanks for Mitch for posting this clip on my fb page early this month.  A very special thanks to Stephen for sitting with me and helping me get the clip into the blog.  Hope you had a laugh.

July 8th 2011

It was my brother's birthday (happy birthday Joe).  First we have to back up a week.  I had recently found a mass on my left breast.  I went to the O.B. who said "don't worry it is probably nothing but let's have a mammogram done."  Then I went to radiology and had a mammogram done.  That was a traumatic day where I learned my lesson to never go to doctors appointments alone.  After the radiologist spoke with my OB about the next step, I was then referred to a breast surgeon.  Again I got good news of "oh is probably nothing, it does not look cancerous so we won't have the cancer talk today".  Two days later, an hour before Shabbat started, my world was flipped upside down.  I was told the biopsy came back cancerous. Of course the doctor kept talking and I stopped listening.  That one word is enough to make you stop in place and stop breathing. Of course I will never forget the sounds of Stephen's shoes as he ran back into the room or the look on his face when I spoke those words "it's cancer." 
   I hung up the phone and started to contact family.  Started to have a panic attack.  How can I have cancer?  I am 33 years old.  I run on the treadmill regularly.  I eat salad for lunch and bring fruit for my snacks. I can't take care of my family, keep the playroom clean, grade my papers, give baths, or cook food if I go through chemo.  How am I am (type A personality) going to let go of so many things and let others do them for me?
    Now Stephen and I have two days to just sit and think.  Stephen has been amazing through this whole experience.  What a rock (with boney elbows) to lean on.  He has been there to make sure I get my appointments when I need and doesn't let a reception say "we will see when we can fit her in...".He is there to watch Friends episodes with or to sit and do a puzzle with.  He has changed so many diapers since this has all happened. 
   Since the initial biopsy results I have been prodded and stabbed.  I have been scanned and MRI'ed. I have been radioactive for a little while.  I have made tech's cry when they see my age and learn my story.
Yesterday, was a big day for me.  I had my port put in place and started my first dose of Chemo.

One day at a time, one step at a time, and I try to breathe.....

I hope you stay with me as I take one step at at time on this journey.