July 8th Diagnosis Day....several years later

I used to blog all the time.  Every now and then I think about how much I used to write and then I think about how little I have shared this past year.  Of course there are certain dates and times of the year that cause me to stop, reflect, and live life to its fullest.  As we got close to Shua’s birthday I started to panic a little and have those days where I found myself near tears.  It was shortly after we celebrated his first birthday when I found the hard mass that rocked my world.  Here is a little recap of events throughout this year.

          I started September off in 6^th grade.  I had taught 7^th grade for 13 years and asked to try something new.  I was a bit nervous towards the end of last year and the start of this year.  Making the change was the best decision for me.  The truth is cancer is depressing.  I know that I don’t have to tell you that but sometimes it needs to be said.  The change in curriculum is just what my mind needed.  I needed to explore new topics and do new projects and meet new people.  It is hard to be a teacher now-a-days.  The truth is that there is more work and less pay but I can honestly say that I loved going to work every day (except that one winter snowstorm when I saw my life flash before my eyes). It was great to be healthy and working.  It was great to smile, laugh, and enjoy teaching again.

          Late October, I ran my second race with my best friend/sister-in-law.  We ran through the Battery Park Tunnel to ground zero.  It was an extremely emotional run.  Coming out of the tunnel and seeing the streets lined with cadets from West Point was truly amazing and inspiring.  A special thanks to Margaret and Adele for convincing me to run it with them.

This year we had our first Thanksgivakah ever.  It was nice to share in these two holidays with my family.  It was great to see the kid’s excitement and spend family time together.  There has been a lot of snuggle time in my house this past year.  I have spent hours reading to my kids and coloring with them.  There were so many moments that I had missed or didn’t have the strength to do in recent years. I was making up for lost time.

Recently I went to see my breast surgeon for my annual check-up.  It was a very emotional visit.  I went to the appointment happy. I have been feeling fine and doing well.  I met with the nurse and reviewed my medical history since my last visit to the office.  I asked “so how have things been since my last visit?”  The nurse replied “well the doctor had to take on a partner because she is so busy with new cases.”  I then replied with “well, this is one job where having so many new cases is not a good thing.”  It worries me that there are so many more women getting breast cancer at such a young age. 

After the nurse left, I got dressed into the million dollar luxury hospital gown and sat down to wait for the doctor.  As I flipped through a magazine scanning the pages, I heard the door next to my room open and close.  I then heard through the wall the unforgettable speech.  Of course it was muffled a little but, having heard it once before, I knew what she was telling this individual. “You have cancer, and you will need chemo and surgery.  You will be fine……every moment counts, cherish every sunset and every kiss from your kids……”  No lie, I started to cry. It just broke my heart to hear that speech again. It brought back all these horrible memories. 

I knew that it was going to be a while before the doctor came to my room because the person next door needed the comfort of the doctor and needed time to wrap her head around the news.  I spent this time, texting a friend and trying to block out the noise from next door.  The doctor gets my chart, knocks on the door, and comes into the room.  You can tell from my face that I had been tearing and not doing well.  I told the doctor “you need thicker walls or soft happy music playing in the rooms.”  She laughed and then said “you are not the first person that has told me that they have had to hear the speech more than once. I will definitely bring this up when we meet again and love the idea of happy music.”  I was a bit of a wreck for a day or two afterwards.  I am healthy though and doing great so it was easier to move on from the speech.

This past May, I ran the Komen race for the second year in a row.  I know that some people don’t support Komen.  Put the politics aside for a minute and listen to my little story.  Three years ago, I attempted to complete the walk with my friend Cheryl.  I had just had surgery a few weeks prior to the walk.  My body was still swollen from surgery and recovering from 30 days of radiation.  I didn’t finish the walk. My friend was kind enough to ask if I wanted to turn around.  I could barely walk a half a mile that year.  The following year I ran it with my sister-in-law.  I was throwing around the idea of running the race and she said that she would do it with me.  We signed up, she flew out from CA, and together we completed the race.  This past year, I started the race with Stephen who continued on at a faster pace.  I ran most of the race by myself.  I ran hard and completed it faster than I did last year.  There was a friend in front of me that kept me going and encouraged me to carry on when I wanted to give up and slack off a little. Of course she didn’t know that she was helping me finish the race. Since then though, we have spent our Sunday mornings running together.  Komen fan or not, this race encouraged me to stay healthy and strive for a better race time.
Just yesterday I met with my oncologist for a check-up. She informed me that the medicine that I take to keep the cancer from returning has caused some thinning of my femur bone.  This was a known side effect of the drug but always hits you harder when it becomes the reality.  I always take the stairs to my oncologist's office.  I take it so I can walk past this on the wall.

It sort of pumps me up before going to meet with the oncologist.  I walk past it on my way out.  If the doctor has not-so-great news, it is a good thing to read before I head out of the building. Words to live by......

As the anniversary of the dreaded day the phone call came, I think of all that I went through. I think about the ups and the downs. I think about the tears and the giggles. I think about all the love that was shared by so many different people.  I think about the phrase “it takes a village” which was so true for my situation.

So what is next on Rachel’s plate?  Once again, I have challenged myself to run a race with my best-friend.  This is our longest race together.  I have also pledged to raise money to help children with pediatric illnesses.  I started fundraising in the middle of June.  I have since raised over 800 dollars. I do hope some of my blog readers will go to the below link and make a pledge of at least 36 dollars.

 www.teamlifeline.org/my/59994