34...

34….

Those that know me know that my birthday has always been a great day.  There were the years that I counted down all 365 days.  There were years that some of my peers got daily countdown signs.  There were years where I would announce 6:16 daily.  There are still days that I call my brother Aaron at exactly 6:16 to announce the time for him.  Not so much fun now that he lives in the central time zone.  You get the gist, I enjoyed my birthday and made sure everyone around me was celebrating one way or another. 

I was very nervous of this coming June.  First of all, I started to have flashbacks of last summer and we all know what fun Chemo was for me. Next, I started to realize that I will have to tame Shua and keep our house in one piece (pictures of his new room soon). I guess my main fear was that shortly after I turned 33, my life spiraled out of control.  One minute I was on top of the world and the next minute I was trying to process the fact that I actually had cancer.

Well, the truth is June started off fantastic!  I got a great surprise party thrown by my father’s family.   Thanks to chemo I was not able to put two and two together with my cousin’s texts.  It was nice to spend time with everyone.  It was nice to celebrate and see the cousins play so nicely together.  I loved all of my presents and the thoughtfulness of everyone.  It was great to taste vitamins….just kidding, had to put that in there to see who reads the whole blog.  I was a little sad that it was so cold and I couldn’t go down the waterslide but I do have all summer to accomplish that goal.  Secondly, I got a package in the mail.  I was so excited to see a box for me. I did order a few things and could not figure out what would be in the box sent from Parsippany.   I did the whole “what did I order again?, let me check my email to see what I ordered.”   I was in for a surprise.  I got a beautiful necklace from my brothers.  The necklace was the sign for infinity.  For those that know my brothers, it was a perfect choice.  The card was well written and brought tears to my eyes.  My brothers are not really the mushy type.  We usually share more laughs than tears.  I guess this year I shared more tears than laughs with them.  I know that I was a bummer to talk to at times.  I did call them sometimes solely for a laugh.  I was guaranteed a laugh especially if I asked about Joe’s sons.

A surprise (I knew about it for a while but thanks to Chemo had forgotten all about it until about a week or so ago) for the end of the school year occurred.  The students decided to dedicate the yearbook to me.  How awesome is that!  It meant so much to me when the girls came to me way back when to ask if they could dedicate the yearbook to me.  I was still going through radiation and life was still a struggle.  However, these two young ladies were so kind and encouraging to me.

When I got home I got a nice present from my fellow warrior Elisa.  The cards were hilarious and totally made me laugh.  And we all have learned that laughing is the only way to get through cancer. Thanks Elisa!

Well the celebration continued. I got another beautiful necklace from Stephen before Shabbos started on Friday. I got a few little gifts from the kids to use with my i-pad.  Stephen picked up a nice dessert for Friday night and for Saturday as well.  I got a two hour Shabbos nap!  Again, those that know me know how very special that was.  (Thanks Shua!)  During my nap I did hear the doorbell and boy was I in for a surprise when I really woke up.  Kimmie and Lindsey sent me beautiful flowers.  They rock!!!  After Shabbos I got a slew of FB birthday wishes and texts.  I got a beautiful song from my friend Darian (and Jill).  All of it made my birthday so very special.

Since the girls were not so well behaved on Shabbos I decided not to do cake on Saturday.  Stephen and I were going to eat it without them after they fell asleep but I am pretty sure I fell asleep before some of them.  So the celebration continued on Sunday.   As my dad said “it was the never ending birthday.”  We brought the cake up to my parents’ house to visit with my nieces who were there for Shabbos (from Georgia).  Lots of singing and more celebrating was done by all.  My nieces made a nice card on the computer for me.  They chased Shua around for a bit and fed him (huge help). Sunday night I opened up my birthday cards that came on Shabbos. Yes, thank you Chemo.  I was so excited to see the big thick envelope from Erica only to totally forget about it until Stephen was working on the mail and said "you never opened your cards."  I tried to be sly: "oh, yes, I was just thinking about them."  However, Stephen knows me too well and said "because I just told you about them....."

And now the paragraph that has nothing to do with the birthday blog.  This past month at school the students were preparing for a poetry slam.  Usually, I read a funny poem (written by someone else).  This year I decided to write one.  As soon as the LA teacher mentioned poetry slam, I started to compose my thoughts.  Each night I would check it over.  Sometimes I would delete it all and start all over.  Other times I was pretty proud of my work.  I didn’t read it at the slam but I did read it to my 8^th period class.  Here it is.

Choices
 
Ring...ring...ring...
I dash for the phone like a cheetah capturing his prey.
Hello?
Yes....
I see...
ok...
thank you....
The cheetah is long gone and now I am a balloon rapidly losing all of my helium.
Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, higher I soar into the peaceful sky.
Whisper whisper, hush, hush sing the voices around me.
The doctor spoke for ten million minutes but I only heard one word.
Cancer.
Cancer? Not me...
I eat my green leafy vegetables.
Cancer? Not me...
I eat a red juicy apple every day.
Cancer? Not me...
I go to bed on time.
Cancer? Not me...
I exercise regularly.
Cancer? Not me...
I hear the whispers around me.
I feel the arms hugging me.
I see the tears falling down the sad faces.
What do I do?
Hiding under my warm, soft comforter is not a real option.
Pretending the doctor had the wrong number won't work.
Ignoring the situation won't make it go away.

What do I do?
Fight! Fight! Fight!
The cancer was strong and fast growing.
I chose to be stronger.
I chose to fight.
I chose to smile and laugh.
I chose to not let the cancer win.
I chose to be here today.

 Here is to turning 34!!!

Shua

I wanted to take my 6 month anniversary picture in the pool.....but the water was way too cold...maybe next month

Shua:

   I know that Hashem works in mysterious ways and sometimes we just have to trust in his ways. When Shua was born I didn’t really believe the doctor that we actually had a boy.  My parents have 11 grandchildren and only three boys.  My oldest brother had four girls already and my second oldest brother had two girls and then two boys.  We already had two girls so I was totally into girl mode. I imagined myself with another daughter and was perfectly ok with it.  Clearly Hashem had other plans for me.  He knew that we would only have three children (refer back to ovary removal in previous blog) and he really wanted me to experience a boy.  And boy is Shua a BOY!!!  Many people have asked me “how in the world did you do chemo, surgery, and radiation with a baby boy?”  Sometimes I have no idea how I did it.  Of course I had a lot of help.  Pilar was my savior during Chemo.  She was there to take Shua out so he could run around and I could rest.  Next, there was Alex.  At first, I was very anti high-schooler babysitting because I couldn’t take care of my kids.  But then I looked forward to Alex coming by and taking Shua for a walk or just chasing after him because I physically couldn’t do it.  Shua loves Alex so much.  On Shabbos mornings when Ruthie or Elisheva comes down in a dress he immediately goes near the window and waits for Alex to pick him up.  We have all learned not to say “Alex” unless she is really coming because Shua will flip out.

Last summer I missed out on a lot of Shua time.  Lately, we have done a lot of snuggling and cuddling on the couch.  I realized how much I missed last summer.  Even though we can’t keep chairs around the table and have the house in lock-down mode all the time, I sure love the little guy.  He is one special boy and I am so happy that he joined our family two years ago.  

Here is a just a sampling of our Shua:

me:  Stephen how did Shua get upstairs?

Stephen:  he is in his crib napping.

me:  no he is not, he is standing at the top of the stairs with his hands full of his toys and a big grin on his face.....

sitting in Elisheva's seat and causing chaos in the kitchen

Girls where is your brother?  Oh there you are behind the kitchen having a little picnic...

Shua can usually be found with some links in his hands or on his arms...

or his sister's bags......

Blurry but you take what you can get with Shua :)