Help

Help:  such a short little word but it is so very important.  Sometimes we take help for granted.  These past two weeks, help has had a whole new meaning to me.

First,  Jill thank you so much for helping me get through the waiting period before surgery. I never got to say thank you.  My name was called and my phone was then turned off. I am pretty sure we were in a heated game of "I am thinking of an animal?"  Thank you for playing to help me pass the minutes and keep my nerves in check.

Adele, thank you for picking up this iPad for me. Without it, I would not be able to Skype and see people. I can't really hold the phone to my ear so it is so much easier to skype.  And the laptop is way too heavy to hold at the present moment. I wouldn't be able to play WWF or even compose this blog. Thank you for my new toy which has been very helpful.


First, I have to let you know how hard it is to sleep. After my port surgery, I could not lay on my side for a week or so. One can only lay flat on their back for so long until intense pain sets in. I am back to laying flat on my back. I find that I sleep for an hour or two and then wake up and desperately want to change position. The only problem is there is no way for me to adjust to. I did ask the plastic surgeon "if I could get onto my side would that be ok?" he said it would be fine to sleep like that, but we both know that getting on my side is near impossible at the moment. For a little taste of Rachel, try this: get into bed with little use of your arms, attempt to get comfortable. Don't move at all. When your back starts to hurt try to find a new comfortable position...hahaha you can't because you can only lay on your back. For more fun, after sleeping in bed, try and get out without the use of your arms. Let me know, how you do.  My little Ruthie has been the one to come check on me after I have gotten into bed and has pulled the covers up to keep me warm. A little role reversal. I have made great improvements in attempting to sleep on my side. In my mind I am but in reality my head is just slightly turned. 


I have already mentioned that I have needed help doing simple tasks. I have found that my arms are being a little more cooperative but there were times where I have been pretty useless. Stephen, along with my mother and brother made this past week possible. They got lunches packed, the kids off to school and took control over the chaos when it arrived around 4:30pm. Stephen was able to go to work, laundry was washed and put away. Dishes were cleaned and put away in the correct places. As for the playroom, I promised myself to stay far away from that room for a few weeks.  (I did start to put some stuff away, I just can't take the chaos for too long.)

I have had to have help to bathe/shower. That simple 10 minute task lasted more than 40minutes. After, I was done, I passed out for two hours because the task was so physically draining. Thank you mom for allowing me the feeling of being clean.

Drains....the dreaded drains. I left the hospital with four JP drains. They were cumbersome and needed to be drained and measured twice a day. Of course it took some time to accomplish this task. Again, mom thank you for helping me take care of the "oh so much fun drains." I was very fortunate to get two drains removed on my one week check up. Don't get me wrong two drains are far better than four drains, but drains in general are not a lot of fun. I was even more ecstatic to have the other two drains removed on my 11 day check up.  Drain free!!!!


My younger brother Aaron, came down from Boston on December 1st to help me. He has been there to help the girls get to school on time. He has shopped for and cooked food for the family. He has changed Shua's diaper and chased him around the house trying to keep him out of trouble. I am afraid Shua has been too much for him. He even helped drain and measure the drains. If that is not love, I am not sure what love is. Thank you Aaron for helping control the chaos and helping me move past this part of the journey. Two of my favorite Aaron quotes "uh oh...I made a boo-boo, I left the bathroom door open and Shua....."  and "Oh no, you are stinky (to Shua) and I don't know what I am doing...."  Both of these times made me smile and very appreciative of him being around to help me. There were many more times that Aaron and I have were chatting and he made me laugh. Of course, I said "oh I should write that down." It has been nice to hang out with him and spend some time with him. I am pretty sure he is not aware of how proud I am of him.  He recently received his PHD from MIT.  During the car ride he said "I am just a skate by kind of guy...." I nearly started to hyperventilate from this comment.  I had to explain to him that receiving a PHD at MIT is not a skate by kind of behavior.  Now who is the smart one?  When he was younger, he had his appendix out. We were not supposed to make him laugh because it hurt. Of course I did not listen and am having my paybacks now. He has made me smile and laugh through this experience. I know that having Aaron around has been crucial to my recovery. There have been times when he has come into my room and seen me crying and says something positive and uplifting. The truth of the matter is you can't always have your game face on, you can't always be happy and smiling because sometimes it just hurts. The reality is that sometimes the physical and emotional pain are just too much to hold it together all the time.  Thank you Aaron for coming to my home and helping me take care of my family so much. There is no way we could have done it without you.  I do hope I have not scared you from wanting to have children. I promise it is not always this chaotic.

Mother: I know I have told you already, but thank you for helping me eat, get dressed and all the other tasks that I just can't do. There is no way I could have had a bilateral mastectomy without my mother right next to me. I have given birth three times. Each time, I stayed in the hospital by myself and then came home with a new baby but no parents staying over to help out. Stephen and I managed to do the normal stuff plus all the brand new baby stuff as well. Somehow this time things were way different. For starters, I did not choose this surgery. I never imagined I would have breast cancer.  Remember it always happens to the other guy.  Remember, I am cancer free now! My mother said something the other day when I was down on myself because I could barely do anything. "the surgery was an assault on your body." I know she is right but I just wish I could make some of the pain go away and feel more of a productive part of society.   Dad, thanks for stopping by Costco and making my house look like an aisle at costco.  The kids will have tons of snacks for their lunches and Aaron will have plenty of food for his many different meals.  Put that line in there to see if Aaron will read the whole blog or just skim it....

For those that have been following the process, I have these things inside that are called tissue expanders. The goal is to stretch the skin and tissue for the real implants I will get after radiation. They feel like a Mack truck is sitting on top of my rib cage. Imagining these expanders inside for the next few months is not so cool. We did have a little incident with Elisheva and her pull-up. Let's say I pulled the "I have tissue expanders" card to get out of taking care of it.....sorry Stephen.

Stephen: I had a whole glowing paragraph about you, but then you tried to smother me when you were helping me get under the covers. Clearly you have not tried getting into bed and getting comfortable without your hands. Otherwise you would have understood the placement of the pillows and how it takes forever for me to be "comfortable."  I do feel honored that you paused the Giant's game to help me get into bed.  You know that I love you very much. I am very thankful that you stayed in the hospital with me for those two nights. I am so happy that we are moving past this stage and onto the next part.

While I don't like to ask for help, I certainly appreciated it, but am happy to be able to start doing some things for my own again and look forward to things getting back to "normal."