Goodbye Grandma
For starters it has taken me a long time to get my
thoughts down on paper. I only really
started to write my feelings once I read my brother’s blog about saying
goodbye. So thank you Scott for giving
me that motivation to give a tribute to Grandma.
Routine:
Most people have some sort of night time routine. For example: brush teeth, go to the bathroom and
then hop into bed. Or others might
shower first and then go to the bathroom and hop in the bed (of course brushing
teeth at some point). My nighttime
routine for the last so many years (post college days, during college I would
call in the middle of the day) was to get all ready for bed, hop into bed and
then call my grandma. We didn’t always
talk for a long time. Sometimes I had to
call her back because she needed to go to the bathroom or finish watching
something on tv. I loved when she would
answer the phone “Hi Rachel” because she just knew it was me calling. We talked about so many different things. When
the soap opera “As the World Turns” was still on the air, we would always
discuss the story line. I was usually a
few days behind because I couldn’t watch it every day. In college I old schooled it and vcr taped
it. More recently, I just taped the show by DVRing it. When I visited with my grandma I could sit
with her and watch “her stories” for hours.
It was always easy to get caught up on what had happened since my last
viewing. Of course we would always talk
about the weather. Calling my
grandmother was the best weather report out there. New Jersey usually got Kentucky’s weather the
next day. I would say 90% of the time it
was accurate. If it rained in Kentucky
on Monday, then it rained in New Jersey on Tuesday. I would tell her how the kids were doing or
how my day was. She would tell me if she
put a piece in the puzzle in the library or all about the family of ducks that
used to live in her complex. Needless to
say bedtime is the hardest time of day for me. I get all ready, hop into bed
and then….cry. I try and relax my mind,
use the ipad, play a game and try and fall asleep….but it just doesn’t
work. The truth is I think about my
grandmother and I miss her. I miss her a lot.
She was a wonderful person.
My grandmother was one the kindest, most caring
individuals I knew. She never judged
you. She called a spade a spade. She was always making things for others. I remember one summer she came to visit in
New Jersey and we made cats out of yarn.
Aaron do you remember we made tons of cats!!!! They were all over the house. She would make little crafts for her friends. She was always wanting and willing to teach
you something. I loved spending time
with her and making things for others. I
have a love of games. I get this love
from my grandmother. She has taught me
so many different fun games to play. I
have passed on some of these games to my children. I am so happy that they had an opportunity
this past June to visit with my grandmother and play some games with her. My grandmother was an amazing quilter. She would say that she was not great but she
has made so many beautiful quits over the years. One summer I spent my time quilting with
her. It was great to be able to be a
part of such a project. She inspired me
to make my own kids quilts (by hand). I
made Ruthie a little baby quilt. It was
cute but not practical once she got bigger.
So I was determined to make Elisheva a bigger size quit. It was supposed to be finished before she
turned three. Well…it is still in the
works and she is five. I need to sit down one of these days and finish the
quilt so I can of course start another one for Shua. I have learned so many different things from
my grandmother that I will hold dear.
When I got sick I had a hard time telling my grandmother
that I was sick. I am not sure why. Maybe
it was because I knew deep down that I would be ok and I didn’t want to worry
her. I know that my mom told her that I
was sick. Once my grandmother learned
that I had cancer she was the best card sender of anyone I knew. She sent me cards with little quotes or
poems. Then my grandma got sick (shortly
after I was diagnosed) with pancreatic cancer.
You would think that she would stop sending cards. Nope, not my grandma! She continued to send cards with pick me up
quotes and poems. And I continued to
call her at night before bed. Sometimes
I would call her during the day because I crashed so early when I was going through
treatment.
I couldn’t fly down to visit my grandmother when she got
sick. I was very sad that I was unable
to travel and see her. They said that
she did not have a long time to live.
She surprised us all. Some people
might think I am crazy but I know that she waited for me. I didn’t want to tell her I was coming until
it was close enough that we could count down the days. During the middle of May, I told her I would
be on my way as soon as school let out.
So on top of the end of the year stuff, papers to grade, grades to
enter, room to clean, I was packing bags for Kentucky. I had lists on top of lists. I had to make
sure I had everything for the kids and myself.
(including ways to entertain Shua during a 14hr car ride.) I sent my grandma cards with the countdown on
it and called her and reminded her how many days until we got there.
I am so thankful that I was able to see my grandmother
one last time. I am so thankful that we got to play games together and that I
even was able to learn a new game “toss up”.
I am thankful that I was able to watch her interact with my
children. I am thankful I was able to
help her get something to eat and change her sheets for her. I am thankful that
I was able to watch her ride around in Grace and have a great day when I knew
she was in so much pain. I am thankful that I was able to celebrate her
birthday (early) and watch her let butterflies go. The hardest part of course was saying
goodbye. But my grandma was one tough cookie. She hugged me and she hugged
Stephen and she said “well you all come back next summer.”
I know that it will take time for me to be able to think
of my grandmother and not start tearing up.
As I am writing this entry, my daughter Ruthie walked into the room and
said “hey what is with all the tears?” I
know that it is for the best that my grandmother has moved on. I know that I will miss her and love her
forever. I saw a beautiful butterfly
float by my kitchen window as I washed the dishes tonight. It was so beautiful it made me smile and
think of my grandmother.
They say that there is no bond like the bond between a
grandchild and a grandparent. My grandmother was one special person. Love you grandma!
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