Feel the burn...

Feel the Burn….

A true athlete knows what I am talking about when I say “feel the burn.”  When you are working out and you are fighting the urge to just stop and call it a day but know that you can’t stop because you will be angry with yourself in the end.  You stick with the workout, feel the burn, and love yourself so much more at the end.

Well…..this burn I am feeling is not the good burn.  Radiation has caused my armpit to feel like a really intense sunburn.   It looks like a really intense sunburn (from what I can see).  Sometimes it hurts to just move my arm because I know the skin will rub against my shirt or bra and cause intense pain. Not moving my arm is not an option.  What parent of a 20 month old can just sit there and not move?  Have you met my son Shua? Also, I have been working really hard with a physical therapist to get better range of motion.   I meet twice a week but do exercises every morning and night.  Yes, another thing added to my routine.  There are so many mornings where I just don’t feel like getting on the floor and stretching my arm.  There are so many evenings where all I want to do is crawl into bed and go to sleep.  But……I can’t, I know that in the end my body will be so much better off by doing the exercises.

Sheer exhaustion:  That is what I feel most days.  It is not the “I just had a newborn” exhaustion.   It is not the “I just ran 6 miles exhaustion.”  It is a different kind of exhaustion.  It is hard to explain.  After I began the radiation journey the exhaustion started to slowly appear. Radiation exhaustion would hit me on Friday after a full week of work.  Then it slowly crept up and hit me on Thursday.  Before I knew it the exhaustion was there to greet me by Tuesday night.  No joke, I wake up Monday morning and say to myself “really?  Only Monday?  How will I ever get through the week?”

How do I do it?  I do get asked that a lot.  There is no easy answer.  I usually just say “you just do it.” I am a walking Nike commercial.  I am pretty sure anyone put in my position would step up to the plate and do what needs to be done.  Ok, so the floors don’t get swept every week.  Ok, so you give Elisheva Ruthie’s leggings to put on and they just fall down.  Ok, so you forget to take your hat off before you go into the shower (more than once).  Ok, so you almost walk into the men’s dressing room after radiation.  Ok, so you pack yourself a “yo baby” yogurt for lunch and hope that you didn’t pack a LaYogurt with chucks of strawberries for either Shua or Elisheva.  These are just a few examples of what radiation exhaustion has done to me. 

Well here is my secret…..listen to this song over and over…. 

Of course I know that it is not just “me, myself, and I.”  There are so many people that have made it possible for me to get to radiation and physical therapy.  There are so many people that have helped with the kids or cooked meals.  There are so many people that have just been there to listen to me complain about my sunburned armpit or my sheer exhaustion.  There are so many people that see me on a daily basis and ask about my health or are there to give me that extra motivation to get to radiation.  As we enter the final countdown, there are days that I am talking myself into just getting into the van and getting my butt to radiation.  I usually try and think of some sort of excuse, but of course my conscience gets the better of me and I just plug along to the hospital.  Yes, after “the burn” is intensified I am happy with myself for getting another session done.

So….

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger….

What doesn’t kill you makes a fighter….

Thank you Kelly Clarkson for getting me to radiation these past few sessions and helping me “feel the burn.”

This little video is just for fun.  My fellow warrior sent this little video to me for a smile.  It so worked.