Get out your running shoes...

Get out your running shoes….

Last year I participated in the Komen walk.  It was a few weeks after I had surgery. I could barely do the one mile fun walk. Luckily I was walking with a friend who knew that I was hurting and didn’t make me feel guilty when we turned around before we hit the turn-around point. There were some people that gave looks. I did feel a little guilty but my body couldn’t handle it.  I had done 30 radiation zaps followed by another surgery.  After I made it back to the starting line, took my medal and found a rock to sit on, I promised myself “next year, you will run it and finish the race.”  I am one that usually follows through with my promises. 

Since the race, I had yet more surgery.  However, I also had time to exercise and attempt to get myself back into shape.  Here is the deal. I am running on May 5^th and I want you to run with me.  My goal for this year is to run and finish the race.  There are already people from near and as far as California (Devorah) who have agreed to run with me and get me through the race.  Check out the link below for more details.

If you can't just click on the link that is because I am not tech savvy.  Just cut and paste into a new window.  

Looking forward to running with you.

http://northjersey.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/SMT_NorthJerseyAffiliate?px=11210020&pg=personal&fr_id=2905

Polar Bear

Polar Bear….

This past weekend I became a polar bear for a brief moment in time.  Here is how things went down. I originally blogged about Lenn and Camp Sunshine to help raise money in memory of Lenn’s friend Will who recently passed away from brain cancer.  There were so many of my friends and family members that sent in money to help Lenn’s cause. I was amazed by the show of support.  (I know I promised you something, message me your address and I will mail it out to you).  Then one thing led to another and I found myself in a hotel room within walking distance to the beach. I brought my bathing suit and towels.  However, I was not sure if I was going to go into the Atlantic. First there was talk of a huge snow storm.  Then, my ear started hurting.  I committed myself to going down to Long Branch so I was definitely getting on the beach to support Lenn.  So, I popped some Motrin for my ear pain, put on my fleece hat that I wore when I was bald, wrapped my breast cancer scarf around my neck and headed towards the beach. As I walked my mind was going back and forth about actually plunging (to plunge or not to plunge, that is the question).  We make it to the beach house and I spy my uncle. I was not sure if my cousin was really going to plunge. He had mentioned that he wanted to.  I see my cousin Matt all ready to go plunging with a cheering squad nearby.  I am not sure if they were there to cheer or to remind us how stupid we were for going into the Atlantic when it was so cold out.  Well, question answered…..If Matt came down to join me in the plunge, then I was plunging.

Man it was cold out.  

                                (Yes, I went in with my hat and glasses on....I knew I was not going under)

Couldn’t feel the rocks under my feet because my feet were frozen.

We ran into the Ocean but the water only went up to mid leg.  We had to keep going….

I made it to about my chest area and then started to head back.

Matt said “I going farther, I am going under”

I said “bye, I am going back.”

                                                                  Plunge accomplished!!!!

I made it back to the sand….numb feet, got my flip flops and had my cousin Lindsey come with me back inside to clean off the sand.  Brrrrr

                                                                  (our support group)

                                                              (thanks for coming!)

I cleaned my feet (I was super worried about my toes from the side effects of chemo) and put my socks and snow boots back on.  Ahh the feeling started to return.

Well, I did it!  I plunged into the Atlantic in January.  It was January and one of the coldest days we have had in a while.  There was snow on the beach.  There were girls making snow angels in the sand.  It was an experience I will never forget.  I am happy that I was able to help Lenn raise over $15,000 for Camp Sunshine.

Here is Lenn with three of his former teachers.  We did it!  Lenn was diagnosed with cancer as a 7th grader.  He just had his birthday and has received his license to drive!  Way to go Lenn!

Strength...

Strength…..

We all draw our strength from different things and different people.  After I first started chemo there were moments when I didn’t quite feel like I could get through it.  Usually after feeling sad or upset about what was happening I would get a text from a former student.  I don’t give out my phone number to my students but this student was very different.  He was the only student I had that was diagnosed with cancer while being my student. I knew him as an A+ student who had a cancerous brain tumor removed over his winter break.  After Lenn’s years of hell our families grew close.  We have spent time together over the years.  We even spent a whole day at their house when we were without power.  After I lost my hair, Lenn was the one that said “hair is over rated” and he was right.  When I couldn’t move because of the taxol infusions, I thought of Lenn and often said to myself  “if an 11 year old kid can beat cancer, what am I complaining about.”  Lenn was a source of strength for me.  Lenn has decided to give back and help others that are in need.  I would love to do this with him but it falls out on my Sabbath.  Maybe in the future they will do it on a Sunday and I will have to be one of the crazies that jump in the Ocean in the middle of the winter.

http://www.crowdrise.com/teamlenn

Check out the above website.  That is Lenn’s link.  He is trying to raise money to help other children that have battled through the unfortunate experience of cancer.  Trust me, cancer is no fun.  I missed out on a few things, but Lenn missed out on a big chunk of his childhood.  Let’s help Lenn help other children.

My goal would be for at least ten of my fb friends to donate at least ten dollars.  Message box me if you donate because I have a special surprise for you.  Of course I would like my FB friends to share this link on their wall.  Hopefully, then ten of your friends will donate at least ten dollars.  Maybe they will share the link.  Just maybe this link will be shared so much that Lenn will be able to reach his goal.  Most importantly maybe together we can help other children who are battling cancer have a little bit of “sunshine.”  

I will be stalking my facebook wall to see who has shared the link…….

 

One year anniversary

One year anniversary….

Wow, it has been a year since I have had a bi-lateral mastectomy.  It has been a year since the breast surgeon operated on me for hours removing all of my breast tissue and hopefully removing all of the cancerous cells that were shrunk to smithereens by the chemo.  It has been a year since the plastic surgeon operated on me for hours trying to make me look somewhat normal again.  I would love to say that I don’t remember that day, but unfortunately I do. I remember crying when Elisheva went into Morah Marissa’s car and off to school. She was the last one to leave the house that morning. I remember my brother Aaron getting her into the car and then coming back inside and seeing me so upset.  We talked and discussed how I was so nervous and scared for the surgery. There was so much unknown that lay ahead.  There was so many questions that I had.  There were so many “what if’s” that just couldn’t be answered. I remember getting dressed in the surgery gown in the pre-op room. I remember the IV man not being able to get a line. I remember starting to cry after his second failed attempt.  I remember thinking “oh no, this surgery is not going to happen, I am never going to get the cancer out of me.”  Finally, the anesthesiologist came in and calmed me down and was able to get an IV going.  Of course they put some calming drugs into my system to get me relaxed and ready for the surgery. I remember waking up after hours in the operating room. I remember the lack of ability to move my arms at all. I remember the nurse saying "these next few days will be the worse days of your life, however, they will make you stronger."  And she was right!

Just a few weeks ago, I was giving advice to another young woman (with small children) who was going to have the same surgery.  I was giving her answers to all her questions and trying to reassure her that everything will be ok.  At the time it is so hard to believe that everything will be ok and that you will be able to get through the days, weeks, and months that follow such a major surgery.  It is so very hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel.

How did I get through this past year?

#1 The obvious reason: Stephen

There is no way I could have done it without him.  This is a picture of the card that he wrote for our 9^th anniversary only 20 days after diagnosis.  It was the sweetest thing he has ever written.  It has also been a source of strength. Usually I put all of my cards away in a box.  This card I left out and viewed it often.  Whenever things got me down, I would read the lengthy message of support and encouragement.

#2 Another obvious reason: my family

My immediate family, my extended family and members of my framily have all kept me going this past year.  There was always someone there to make sure that I got to the next doctor’s appointment.  There was always someone there to make sure I got the rest I needed.  There was always someone there to make me laugh.  There was always someone there…..I was never left alone this past year, not even for a moment (yup you guessed it, showers and bathroom trips were often interrupted by little ones)

#3 A final obvious reason: friends

Friends come in all shapes and sizes.  Friends have done all sorts of tasks to help me get through this past year.  Some tasks were huge but so necessary. Some tasks were small and might have seemed insignificant but were very crucial at the time.  That’s what friends are for….for good times and bad times….

I am blessed to have so many kind, caring friends in my life.  There are too many to name.  You know who you are and you know how you have helped me get through this past year. Thank you!

#4 my grandma

Even though my grandma is no longer with us, she was a very important part of my recovery.  We would talk often and she was always encouraging me to fight the cancer and stay strong.  She wrote me letter after letter willing me the strength to fight the cancer and get well.  She sent me poems and little words of wisdom.  Just her handwriting alone gave me strength to fight so we could visit come summer time.  Even when I knew that I was saying goodbye forever, she hugged me and said “Y’all come back next summer.”  How could not I not push forward and get healthy?  She was 89 years old and was fighting pancreatic cancer to stay alive long enough to see me.

#5 Elisa

As much as I don’t wish anyone to have to go through what I went through, I am thankful that I had I Elisa this past year.  She was right by my side the entire trip.  She was the one that got all my venting emails or sarcastic texts.  She was the one that understood the bloating, the new “look”, and the constant doctor appointments.  She was the one that in spite of everything, kept me laughing and looking for that light at the end of the tunnel.  Whenever my attitude turned negative, she was there to turn it right back around.  She helped me get through the survivor funk that hits every now and again.

I will say that I have lived my life differently since I have received that dreaded phone call.  Cancer changes you….everyone says it. I honestly try to live every day to its fullest. I try not to procrastinate on calling friends or family to say hi. I try to spend as much time with the kids as I can. There were so many moments that I missed out on Shua from year one to two that I try to grab every second I can with him. 

We found him one morning with Elisheva's purple glove on his hand.  What a silly boy!

 I recently was flipping through one of the 8,000 catalogs we have received in the mail over the past few weeks and came upon this:

A to Zen of Life:

Avoid negative sources, people, places, and habits

Believe in yourself

Consider things from every angle

Don’t give up and don’t give in

Everything you’re looking for lies behind the mask you wear

Family and friends are hidden treasures, seek them and enjoy their riches

Give more than you planned to

Hang on to your dreams

If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door

Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it

Keep trying no matter how hard it seems

Love yourself

Make it happen

Never lie, steal, or cheat

Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values

Practice makes perfect

Quality, not quantity in anything you do

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer

Stop procrastinating

Take control of your own destiny

Understand yourself in order to better understand others

Visualize it

When you lose, don’t lose the lesson

Xcellence in all your efforts

Zero in on your target and go for it

This little A to Zen really hit home….

December 2, 2012 was NOT spent in the operating room.  It was NOT spent anticipating if surgery will be successful.  It was not spent worried about all those “what if” questions.  December 2, 2012 was spent celebrating my one year anniversary cancer free.  My parents were awesome and watched the kiddies all day long.  Cheryl was awesome and made sure Ruthie got to go to a birthday party.  Stephen and I went out to eat and then went to watch a Broadway Show.  We saw Wicked and LOVED it!  It was a great show to see. It was funny and full of life.  Today, was the first anniversary of many!  Here’s to another year filled with good health and happiness.

 Thanks for making my day so special!  I love you!