Happiness

Happiness:

I wrote a blog entry but knew that I would never post it.  It was a little negative.  My journey has taught me to let go of the negative experiences. Life is way too short!

I have not printed pictures in over a year.  I printed pictures from last July.  I take a lot of pictures (not nearly as many as Erica or Mitch take though).  I have spent some of the day labeling them and putting them in an album.  Looking back at some of the pictures has helped me forget the negativeness and the negative people that led me to write a negative blog.  Looking back I was able to see how far I have really come.  Some people see me now and would never know I was sick at all.  Some people, who knew I was sick, see that I have hair and assume everything must be fine.  The reality is I am a work in progress.  I have had many surgeries over the course of a year.  These surgeries changed me physically as well as emotionally.  On the outside I might look ok, but there is still a lot going on in the inside.  I won’t bore you with all the details.

Here are a few snapshots that made me smile.  All of these experiences have helped me heal.

First let's look back to the beginning:

This was taken at my last chemo infusion.  Wow, look how pale and sick I look.  Standing with me are two amazing women who stood by me while the chemo sucked the life out of me.  They always told me that I looked good and laughed at my jokes and kept me smiling.

My cheering squad!  They are use to going to football games and cheering on the Hulk and Huge.  They didn't skip a beat when it came to cheering me on.  They always checked in on me and made sure I had what I needed.  Someone was always stopping by just to see how I was or to help me with the little ones.

The cheering squad even got matching shirts!  I love matching clothes!  Every time I see someone wearing one of these shirts or I wear it myself, I get emotional.  It means so much to me how much people did for me.

Me pretending to fly while carrying Aaron.  Aaron, the little brother, did an outstanding job of taking care of his older sister when she got sick.  He was there to chat with during the middle of the day.  He was there to teach me things that were happening in the world and make sure I was up on the news.  He was there to cook for me.  He was there to chase the Shua around.  Most importantly, he was there and he kept me smiling.

Adele......always texting, emailing, calling, and stopping by.  She truly is an amazing woman who is always putting others before herself.  I would not have made it this far without all that she has done.  I still recall Shua saying "Adele" before he would say momma.

The Young family came to visit.  We all ate Chinese food together.  The kids played together.  Patrick entertained Shua..Kiely made jewelery with the girls.  I finally understand why George laughed every time a name was mentioned.  It only took a year to get the joke.  Everyone was happy.

I got kidnapped with Beau Beau's leash.  A fantastic day together with my cousins.  More Chinese food and lots of Friends episodes.  We should do this again.  Maybe start a tradition...

Spending Hanukah with the family.  It was so nice to have everyone together.  The presents were bought and wrapped months before (pre-surgery).  It was a fun time finding out what the kids got.

Holding a new born baby. Thank you Fiona and Dan for helping me heal emotionally.  Of course we said we were done with children but when the choice is taken away from you, it hurts more than when you make the choice.  Holding little Seamus was so therapeutic.  It was late at night by the time I got to the hospital.  Hours later for me to actually find the room....but to hold the little guy was amazing.

Getting a needlepoint made by my dad.  It hangs in the living room. I see it every morning when I come down the stairs.  I see it every night when I turn off the lights and go upstairs to bed.  It is a great reminder that there is no giving up for me.  Thanks dad!  Love you!  Air Hug!

Ringing the bell after I completed radiation was a great feeling.  Radiation was tough.  By the end my skin was so sore.  My arm was so tight.  It took a long time and a lot of stretching to get my arms moving again.  I stretch in the morning and at night.  This summer has been hard with all the travel.  When I am traveling I am not regularly stretching which hurts my arm.

Seeing the play Pinkalicious with the girls and my dad.  It was a great trip and everyone had fun including Grandpa.

Holding not one baby but two babies!  Again, thank you Fiona and Dan.  Holding your twins was emotional healing for me.  I can't wait for them to learn tricks from Shua!

Going to the Shul dinner.  I was so happy that I was well enough to go and spend time with our friends.  The video this year was amazing. I remember sitting there and really laughing.  I had not laughed like that in a long time.  It was good to laugh and enjoy time with friends.

The Hedges visit:  Of course I had better pictures but this one cracked me up.  Only Ruthie is paying attention to the camera.  The kids had a blast together. 

Bringing Elisheva to school with me was a great day.  I am so happy that I was able to return to work. Trust me it was hard.  Every day was a challenge. The beginning was super tough with radiation.  But in the end, I did it!

Throwing Elisheva a birthday party was a lot of work but totally worth it.  It was great to see my little girl happy and celebrating with her friends. 

My first walk/race as a survivor.  That's right a SURVIVOR!!!

A surprise birthday party!  It even had umbrellas for the drinks!  Again the cheering squad out did themselves!  As you can tell from my smile, it was a great day!

Taking the kids to see Stephen's grandmother.  I had not been able to do the trip for a while.  Even though it is only an hour away, it was too hard for me to do the trip.  I am glad we were able to go as a family.

Moving my son from his crib to a mattress on the floor (before he turned 2) was not a great day....but in the end it was the greatest thing to happen for everyone.  Some mornings he stays in his bed quietly playing until 9:00.  I can't complain.

Getting a yearbook dedication!  Never thought I would be chosen for a dedication.  What an honor.

Signing my name on "Grace" right under my grandmother's name was a life changing day. 

Being able to take my family down to Kentucky to visit with my grandmother was a huge deal.  I counted down the days until I could "get on the road."  I was so happy that my girls were able to play games with my grandmother just as I played games with her when I was their age.

Watching my grandmother release butterflies was amazing.  She was in so much pain but this activity brought her so much happiness. 

I love everything about this picture.  We took the kids to the Louisville Zoo.  The zoo has a little splash park inside of it.  Shua loved these little water spouts.  He would put his face so close to the spout and then get drenched when it shot into the sky.  It was great to watch him play and be a kid.  I feel that I missed out on a lot of his activities because I was too sick to take care of him.  It was nice to watch him be Shua in full force.

Spending time with my cousin in Kentucky.  I remember all the summers we used to play together.  It was nice to spend time with you at Grandma's.

Meeting some of my mother's relatives who have been cheering me on.

Meeting a relative who "gets it."  Unfortunately my mother's cousin's daughter had to go through Chemo.  Keep fighting Barb! 

I loved watching my almost 90 year old grandmother spend time with her almost 100 year old sister.  It was very memorable to hear them talk and look at pictures together.

Going down a water slide.  There was something about it that was so freeing.

Taking the kids to my parents' house to celebrate my dad's birthday with an all vanilla carvel cake...yummmmmy!

Taking Adele to the Turtle Back Zoo and letting the kids show her the animals was a great day.  Of course Shua loved the train ride the best.

Painting pottery with the girls.  It was great to do something fun with the girls (while Shua slept).

Going out to eat with my friends.  It was a great night and no one remembers a single conversation we had.....just kidding.  It was truly nice to sit and chat and to hang out with friends.  We should start doing this more often.  Maybe the next time Stephen will get home earlier :)



I didn't have any pictures from Shabbos in Albany because....it was Shabbos.  However, it was a magical Shabbos. It was nice to be away.  It was nice for the girls to play with other children and for the most part everyone got along.  It was so very nice to be a part of making Shabbos happen.  I didn't know the other people there.  However, we all worked to set the tables and put the food out.  It was a great feeling to be apart of the cozy Shabbat experience.  I can't wait to visit again.  Thanks Mendel and Raizy for having us. (Thanks Alex for going and helping me chase Shua).

Last but not least....the card wall.  The wall is still filled with cards (more than what is in this picture).  I have a pile of cards that didn't fit on the wall.  Believe it or not I still get cards. I actually got a card today. Thank you Howie and Arlene for the thoughtful card.  Getting random cards with such thoughtfulness always picks me up when I am down and helps me fight the fight.  I find myself reading the cards whenever I go into the room.  Sometimes I read one or two cards.  Sometimes I read a bunch.  It is a good reminder for me of all the people that are supporting me and cheering me on.  It is a reminder to let the negativeness and the negative people go.  It is a reminder to stay positive and fight the fight!