Race Day 2013

Race Day:

I have been trying to compose my thoughts for this blog for a while.  I would write and then erase and try again. I just had a hard time figuring out what I wanted to say.  Then I decided to wait until I ran and then write my thoughts and feelings.  So here it is.

Last year at this time, I could barely walk a half mile. I had just had my ovaries removed.  That surgery was one of many. My body was worn out and beaten up.  I was exhausted during the walk, turned around and went home with one thought in mind “next year, I am running this race.” 

Background on me:  I used to run all the time. I ran cross country and track in high school and college. I loved to run. I would go out and run for fun.  Who does that?  Life happened, I got married, had kids, and didn’t really run like I used to any more. I had a treadmill and would run while Ruthie watched a movie. I would run on the treadmill at night after the girls went to bed. I didn’t have the opportunity to go out on the streets or trails and run for fun.  Everyone knows that running on the treadmill is so different that the streets.  I tried hard to keep myself in shape over the years.

So when I said “I am going to run this next year,” it was not an unreachable task for me.  Of course I knew that I would have to train and get myself in the right mode to be able to run.  I started slowly by building up my speed and distance (on the treadmill because of logistics).   Of course I then had more surgery and had to take time off.  Then it was back to starting at level zero and building up again.  I always had “May 5^th” in the back of my mind.  It was the motivation to get on the treadmill in the dead of winter when all you want to do is snuggle under your blankets with hot chocolate.  It was the motivation for me to get on the treadmill at the end of a full day of teaching and taking care of the kids.  Of course there were other motivators for this race.

Devorah:

This is my sister-in-law Devorah.  I honestly don’t remember the whole conversation that took place this past summer in Georgia.  I do remember sitting around a table and people were talking about running and I said I was going to run the Komen race in May.  I had already promised myself that I was going to do it and when I want to do something, I do it.  Time passes and Devorah tells me that she is getting a ticket to come and run with me.  Wow!  What a gesture!  She was going to leave her family and fly across the country to run a race with me.  The best part of this gesture is, Devorah hates to run.  She never was a runner and would tell me that I was crazy for running all the time.  Devorah started to run and train on the West Coast (California) while I trained in my basement in New Jersey.  Knowing that she bought the ticket was a reason for me to get on the treadmill and get into shape.  During the race, there were moments when I wanted to just give up, but I would look right next to me and knew that Devorah flew all this way to get me to the finish line. (and she did!).  She also brought her daughter Elinoa to come and spend some time with us.  That was a sweet treat.

Stephen:

This is my husband Stephen.  We all know that I could not have done this without him.  For so many nights he gave up his man cave so I could use the treadmill and train for my run. As the race drew closer, the butterflies in my stomach arrived.  I think what settled my nerves was when Stephen said “I would rather run than walk.  I will run a 40 minute race, I don’t care.”  These were the words that I needed to hear.  I needed to know that he would be there with me just like he has been through this entire journey.  I needed to know that I would at least beat one person (Stephen also hates to run).  The funny part is at one part when we were running up a hill, he started to walk because I was moving so slow.  I felt bad and told him to go on without me.  When we got home we were chatting and he said “I started to walk because I felt like I was running in place.”  It was so funny and probably true because I was going pretty slow up that last hill. 

These are my colleagues:

I have a special bond with each of them.  Anne is an amazing person.  She was in my place not too long ago.  Last year, she was the reason I was able to get myself to work and push past all of the pain and exhaustion.  She was a sign for me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  She was an example of what life would be like in time.  Her smile was contagious and was so motivating.  She came in 2^nd for the survivors at the race. You go girl!!! You rock and give me more motivation to keep at it.  All of them would ask me on a regular basis “are you ready for the race?  Are you ready for the run?”  Of course there was no backing out now, I have others going to the race to support me.

Elisa:

This is Elisa.  She is my fellow survivor.  We both have been in a transition part of our lives.  We have been trying to eat super healthy and exercise as much as possible.  We are both trying to keep the cancer away forever.  We have each other and check in daily.  We don’t let one another give up or slack.  It is always better to do things with a friend.  Together we beat cancer’s ass.  Together we are taking back our lives.  Together we “inspired” others. 

It was a wonderful day.  I ran with all my heart. I didn’t stop once. There were moments when I wanted to stop but I looked to my right and saw Stephen, or I looked to my left and saw Devorah, or I looked at Anne, Margaret, Joanie, George, Robin, or Sandy,  cheering me on and I had no choice but to finish the race. Going up the first hill I did say “I love hills, I love hills” for my brother Scott.  I really don’t though, especially the last one at the end of the race.  There were moments when I thought about all that I have been through these past few years.  I had to fight back the tears as I ran. It made breathing a little harder but I couldn’t stop those thoughts.  This race showed me that I have survived. I am not going to become a fanatic runner again. I am not going to go to all different races or train for a marathon.  I was talking with Ruthie at the end of the day.  I told her “Ruthie, I ran this race for myself.  I ran it to prove to myself that I could run it.  Remember how sick I was?  I needed to run this to know that I am not sick anymore. I needed to run for me.”  One of my favorite moments was when we got home and Shua said “you done with your race?”  I loved that he knew what we were doing.  Which leads me to my parents:  Thank you so much mom and dad!  I could not have done this without you and your support.  Thank you for making it possible for me to get to my race on time. Thank you to all my contributors!  I know that some people are not fans of Komen. I respect those that donated knowing that you were helping me accomplish a much needed task.  Thank you for helping me get to my race day and finish the race.

We ended our day with some Carvel!  After all it has been like forever since I had a milkshake and needed one! 

Get out your running shoes...

Get out your running shoes….

Last year I participated in the Komen walk.  It was a few weeks after I had surgery. I could barely do the one mile fun walk. Luckily I was walking with a friend who knew that I was hurting and didn’t make me feel guilty when we turned around before we hit the turn-around point. There were some people that gave looks. I did feel a little guilty but my body couldn’t handle it.  I had done 30 radiation zaps followed by another surgery.  After I made it back to the starting line, took my medal and found a rock to sit on, I promised myself “next year, you will run it and finish the race.”  I am one that usually follows through with my promises. 

Since the race, I had yet more surgery.  However, I also had time to exercise and attempt to get myself back into shape.  Here is the deal. I am running on May 5^th and I want you to run with me.  My goal for this year is to run and finish the race.  There are already people from near and as far as California (Devorah) who have agreed to run with me and get me through the race.  Check out the link below for more details.

If you can't just click on the link that is because I am not tech savvy.  Just cut and paste into a new window.  

Looking forward to running with you.

http://northjersey.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/SMT_NorthJerseyAffiliate?px=11210020&pg=personal&fr_id=2905

Polar Bear

Polar Bear….

This past weekend I became a polar bear for a brief moment in time.  Here is how things went down. I originally blogged about Lenn and Camp Sunshine to help raise money in memory of Lenn’s friend Will who recently passed away from brain cancer.  There were so many of my friends and family members that sent in money to help Lenn’s cause. I was amazed by the show of support.  (I know I promised you something, message me your address and I will mail it out to you).  Then one thing led to another and I found myself in a hotel room within walking distance to the beach. I brought my bathing suit and towels.  However, I was not sure if I was going to go into the Atlantic. First there was talk of a huge snow storm.  Then, my ear started hurting.  I committed myself to going down to Long Branch so I was definitely getting on the beach to support Lenn.  So, I popped some Motrin for my ear pain, put on my fleece hat that I wore when I was bald, wrapped my breast cancer scarf around my neck and headed towards the beach. As I walked my mind was going back and forth about actually plunging (to plunge or not to plunge, that is the question).  We make it to the beach house and I spy my uncle. I was not sure if my cousin was really going to plunge. He had mentioned that he wanted to.  I see my cousin Matt all ready to go plunging with a cheering squad nearby.  I am not sure if they were there to cheer or to remind us how stupid we were for going into the Atlantic when it was so cold out.  Well, question answered…..If Matt came down to join me in the plunge, then I was plunging.

Man it was cold out.  

                                (Yes, I went in with my hat and glasses on....I knew I was not going under)

Couldn’t feel the rocks under my feet because my feet were frozen.

We ran into the Ocean but the water only went up to mid leg.  We had to keep going….

I made it to about my chest area and then started to head back.

Matt said “I going farther, I am going under”

I said “bye, I am going back.”

                                                                  Plunge accomplished!!!!

I made it back to the sand….numb feet, got my flip flops and had my cousin Lindsey come with me back inside to clean off the sand.  Brrrrr

                                                                  (our support group)

                                                              (thanks for coming!)

I cleaned my feet (I was super worried about my toes from the side effects of chemo) and put my socks and snow boots back on.  Ahh the feeling started to return.

Well, I did it!  I plunged into the Atlantic in January.  It was January and one of the coldest days we have had in a while.  There was snow on the beach.  There were girls making snow angels in the sand.  It was an experience I will never forget.  I am happy that I was able to help Lenn raise over $15,000 for Camp Sunshine.

Here is Lenn with three of his former teachers.  We did it!  Lenn was diagnosed with cancer as a 7th grader.  He just had his birthday and has received his license to drive!  Way to go Lenn!

Strength...

Strength…..

We all draw our strength from different things and different people.  After I first started chemo there were moments when I didn’t quite feel like I could get through it.  Usually after feeling sad or upset about what was happening I would get a text from a former student.  I don’t give out my phone number to my students but this student was very different.  He was the only student I had that was diagnosed with cancer while being my student. I knew him as an A+ student who had a cancerous brain tumor removed over his winter break.  After Lenn’s years of hell our families grew close.  We have spent time together over the years.  We even spent a whole day at their house when we were without power.  After I lost my hair, Lenn was the one that said “hair is over rated” and he was right.  When I couldn’t move because of the taxol infusions, I thought of Lenn and often said to myself  “if an 11 year old kid can beat cancer, what am I complaining about.”  Lenn was a source of strength for me.  Lenn has decided to give back and help others that are in need.  I would love to do this with him but it falls out on my Sabbath.  Maybe in the future they will do it on a Sunday and I will have to be one of the crazies that jump in the Ocean in the middle of the winter.

http://www.crowdrise.com/teamlenn

Check out the above website.  That is Lenn’s link.  He is trying to raise money to help other children that have battled through the unfortunate experience of cancer.  Trust me, cancer is no fun.  I missed out on a few things, but Lenn missed out on a big chunk of his childhood.  Let’s help Lenn help other children.

My goal would be for at least ten of my fb friends to donate at least ten dollars.  Message box me if you donate because I have a special surprise for you.  Of course I would like my FB friends to share this link on their wall.  Hopefully, then ten of your friends will donate at least ten dollars.  Maybe they will share the link.  Just maybe this link will be shared so much that Lenn will be able to reach his goal.  Most importantly maybe together we can help other children who are battling cancer have a little bit of “sunshine.”  

I will be stalking my facebook wall to see who has shared the link…….