Radiation was....

 
Radiation was

          30 treatments of zapping

          30 days of waiting to hear “Rachel, they are ready for you”

          30 days of my skin turning pinker and pinker

          30 days of racing around collecting children and rushing home to beat the bus

          30 days of toying with Lindsey’s emotions “I am running late, can you get Ruthie off the bus?”  5 minutes later “oh wait they just called for me, I will be ok, thanks for being on call”

          30 days of making sure every minute of the school day is accounted for so that I could leave as soon as possible to get to radiation on time

          30 days of…..radiation, but now

Radiation is

Done

Finished

Over

Completed

No more

Finalized

Concluded

Ended

Ancient history

Terminated

Culminated

Accomplished

Dispatched

Curtains closed

Fat Lady has sung

Bucket has been kicked

Done for

Gave up the Ghost

Hopped on the Twig

Rode the pale horse

The most important piece of this blog is that Radiation is done!!!!

This blog is dedicated to all the people that helped me get through those 30 days.

Thank you to Adele and my mom for picking up kids and meeting me at the hospital.

Thank you to Lindsey for being “on call” and getting Ruthie off the bus and for watching the kids during PT.

Thank you to Cheryl for making sure that I had dinner on these long days and for taking care of the kids when I needed some help.
Thank you to Elisa for texting me everyday 8,000 times.  Your texts helped me pass the time while I waited to be called.  Your texts helped these 30 treatments pass quickly. Thank you for being there.

Thank you to Suzanne and Mary who greeted me every day with a smile and always had a positive attitude.

Thank you to Brandy for checking up on me periodically during my radiation treatments.  It was so good to chat with someone during my experience.  Thank you for listening.

Thank you to Karen, Susanne (apologize for not knowing how to spell your name), Dan and John.  From day one, all of you have made me feel at home (as much as that is possible lying on a table exposed to the world ready to be zapped).  All of you have asked about my day, joked with me, and shared little bits about your life with me.  I won’t say that I enjoyed radiation but you did make this needed experience tolerable.  Thank you for everything that you did to help me get those 30 treatments. I will not forgot “depth 1.2 MLC out” or “bolus day, remember if it falls, just let it fall”  I will not miss your cold hands or lying in that awkward position.

Most importantly, thank you to Ruthie, Elisheva, and Shua who have been so patient while mommy was busy getting radiated.  I know that the routine was briefly interrupted, but we are now back on track!  I will be there to do homework with you, fix your dinner and most importantly to say “make sure the toys are in the right bins in that playroom!”

The last zapping sound ended.   I was escorted out of the room. I took the mold with me.  

 I then got a certificate and a piece of "bling."  More on the bling in a future post.  After I said goodbye to the nurses and secretaries (I do go back for skin follow up next week, so it was not a long goodbye), this is what I did.

RING THIS BELL THREE TIMES WELL
ITS TOLL WILL CLEARLY SAY, MY TREATMENTS ARE DONE, THIS COURSE HAS RUN, AND NOW I'M ON MY WAY!

and just for fun.....

Feel the burn...

Feel the Burn….

A true athlete knows what I am talking about when I say “feel the burn.”  When you are working out and you are fighting the urge to just stop and call it a day but know that you can’t stop because you will be angry with yourself in the end.  You stick with the workout, feel the burn, and love yourself so much more at the end.

Well…..this burn I am feeling is not the good burn.  Radiation has caused my armpit to feel like a really intense sunburn.   It looks like a really intense sunburn (from what I can see).  Sometimes it hurts to just move my arm because I know the skin will rub against my shirt or bra and cause intense pain. Not moving my arm is not an option.  What parent of a 20 month old can just sit there and not move?  Have you met my son Shua? Also, I have been working really hard with a physical therapist to get better range of motion.   I meet twice a week but do exercises every morning and night.  Yes, another thing added to my routine.  There are so many mornings where I just don’t feel like getting on the floor and stretching my arm.  There are so many evenings where all I want to do is crawl into bed and go to sleep.  But……I can’t, I know that in the end my body will be so much better off by doing the exercises.

Sheer exhaustion:  That is what I feel most days.  It is not the “I just had a newborn” exhaustion.   It is not the “I just ran 6 miles exhaustion.”  It is a different kind of exhaustion.  It is hard to explain.  After I began the radiation journey the exhaustion started to slowly appear. Radiation exhaustion would hit me on Friday after a full week of work.  Then it slowly crept up and hit me on Thursday.  Before I knew it the exhaustion was there to greet me by Tuesday night.  No joke, I wake up Monday morning and say to myself “really?  Only Monday?  How will I ever get through the week?”

How do I do it?  I do get asked that a lot.  There is no easy answer.  I usually just say “you just do it.” I am a walking Nike commercial.  I am pretty sure anyone put in my position would step up to the plate and do what needs to be done.  Ok, so the floors don’t get swept every week.  Ok, so you give Elisheva Ruthie’s leggings to put on and they just fall down.  Ok, so you forget to take your hat off before you go into the shower (more than once).  Ok, so you almost walk into the men’s dressing room after radiation.  Ok, so you pack yourself a “yo baby” yogurt for lunch and hope that you didn’t pack a LaYogurt with chucks of strawberries for either Shua or Elisheva.  These are just a few examples of what radiation exhaustion has done to me. 

Well here is my secret…..listen to this song over and over…. 

Of course I know that it is not just “me, myself, and I.”  There are so many people that have made it possible for me to get to radiation and physical therapy.  There are so many people that have helped with the kids or cooked meals.  There are so many people that have just been there to listen to me complain about my sunburned armpit or my sheer exhaustion.  There are so many people that see me on a daily basis and ask about my health or are there to give me that extra motivation to get to radiation.  As we enter the final countdown, there are days that I am talking myself into just getting into the van and getting my butt to radiation.  I usually try and think of some sort of excuse, but of course my conscience gets the better of me and I just plug along to the hospital.  Yes, after “the burn” is intensified I am happy with myself for getting another session done.

So….

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger….

What doesn’t kill you makes a fighter….

Thank you Kelly Clarkson for getting me to radiation these past few sessions and helping me “feel the burn.”

This little video is just for fun.  My fellow warrior sent this little video to me for a smile.  It so worked.

 

So much to say and so little time....

So much to say and so little time…..

I.                    Radiation

II.                  Physical Therapy

III.                Never Give Up

IV.                Singing

Introduction:  Today, marks my two month anniversary of being cancer free!  Here is my monthly chair picture.

I.                    Radiation:  January 31, 2012 marked my 15^th round of radiation.  It is a milestone because I am halfway done with radiation.  Every little milestone is worth celebrating.  I must say that the people that I interact with where I get my radiation are a great group of individuals.  They are always smiling and usually say something to make me laugh. They have taken the time to get to know me and share parts of their lives with me.  Everyday though, I tell them…..”can’t wait until this is over.”  The fatigue has definitely hit home this past week.  Last Friday, I was so exhausted that I went to sleep shortly after we put Shua to bed at 6:40pm.  It doesn’t help that I have PT twice a week which adds to my exhaustion.  Segway into the next chapter.

II.                  Physical Therapy:  I started physical therapy on Tuesday, January 31, 2012.  I have been wearing a sleeve because my left arm had some swelling. I was hoping that when it was checked there would be no additional swelling or even better the therapist would tell me that I could not wear the sleeve any more.  It is rather annoying.  It is not fun to put on and adds a good 5-7 minutes in the morning to my already busy routine.  No such luck on that front, in fact the arm has more swelling than the last time I was there.  Ho hum…..

III.                Never Give Up:  I hear this phrase a lot.  Throughout this journey, lots of people have told me this.  Friends, family, colleagues, random people on the street have all said “never give up!”  The phrase means does mean a lot to me.  It shows that what I am doing is not easy but I need to stay strong and not give in.  Don’t get me wrong, there are days that I totally feel like throwing in the towel because it is just too much.  On those days, I just take a little walk to my living room and look at this.

My father made this for me.  It is one of his many talents.  He needlepoints some really awesome things.  The picture is so pretty and calms me down.  It reminds me that soon, I will be able to relax and enjoy life again.  Soon, I will be able to hang out with the children and do fun activities like the beach, park, or maybe even Disney.  It means a lot to me that he spent the time working on this.  Thanks dad!  I would give you a hug but we both know…..I don’t hug and neither do you.

IV.                Singing:   Those of you that know me well know that I can’t sing for beans.  I have never been able to and most likely never will be able to sing.  There is a vice principal where I work that read my blog many months back.  She saw that I was using the song “going the distance” to get through my tough days.  This vice principal mentioned to the chorus teacher at my school about singing this particular song.  To make the story even better, Mr. Bishop was my music teacher when I went to CMS.  No, I was never in chorus. I was told by the chorus teacher at the time to “stick to academics.”  Those of you that went to CMS with me will probably be thinking of who that gem of a teacher was.  Remember he had those coins with his picture of himself on it?  Remember he went on tour with Debbie Gibson.  He totally knew his music and was talented but he totally didn’t know what he was doing to young children by telling them they can’t sing and to “stick to academics.”  In the end, it was probably for the best. I had a class where we did map skills and geography and that fit my interests perfectly.  No one had to listen to me sing and I am sure my brother Aaron will tell you that my singing is not a pretty experience.  Throughout my life I have be comfortable singing around him.  He does know music and would say “you are way out of tune.” Of course I would respond “tune?  What is that?” and keep on singing.  Sorry, I digress.  So shortly after returning to work a girl came up to me in the hallway.  I did not know who this girl is.  It is clear that I am the teacher that was out sick with cancer. I am not sure if my bright pink shirts or my leopard print hat gives it away.  Anyways, she said to me “are you coming to the concert?”  I responded “no?”  After she walked away this is what went through my mind….

“who was that?”

“what concert?”

“did I sign up to chaperone?”

“did George (my teammate) sign me up to chaperone as a joke?”

“who was that?”

The bell rings and my next class is starting. I push these thoughts out of my head.  Ideally I hoped to return to these thoughts and pursue the situation.  Of course, I forgot all about it.  Thanks Chemo for killing my short term memory!

Many days later I walk into school and go to fill up my water bottle. I do this every morning. I always say hi to the people in the office as I do this.  I walk by the vice principal’s office like every other day and say “good morning.”  Instead of a “good morning” in return I got “could you stop by my office for a few minutes during second period.”  This is what went through my mind…..

“oh crap…what parent is calling to complain that I gave a homework assignment.”

“oh crap….did I not hand in something?”

“oh crap….did I not post my lesson plans?”

“oh crap….didn’t the kids know that I was joking when I said “if you don’t stop clicking that pen, I will throw it out the window.”

“oh crap….I have to wait a whole period to find out what she wants.”

Well this is what she wanted:  She took me for a walk and we walked by the chorus signing and preparing for their concert.  Mr. Bishop sees us and shakes his head no at us. All the pieces start to fall together. We continue walking to the copy room and check the mailboxes and then slowly walk back to the chorus singing.  These two girls (former students) went to the microphone and said “the next song is dedicated to Mrs. Isler……” (I am not sure of the entire announcement and don’t want to quote it wrong)  Then they all started singing “going the distance.”  This is what went through my mind….

“this is what that random student was talking about…”

“man, they are doing such a nice job….”

“I can’t believe the chills I have running through my body.”

“hold it together, don’t cry….don’t cry….don’t cry”

“wow the people I work with rock!”

Thank you Kim for getting the ball rolling.  Thank you Mr. Bishop for being a great teacher when I was a student at CMS and for being a great teacher, friend, and colleague now!  Of course I would never post a picture of the kids singing. I wanted to post a picture of Mr. Bishop and myself but that would involve me remembering to bring my camera to school.  Here is the next best thing.

 Irvin McDowell, leader of the Union Army.....aka.....Mr. Bishop :)