Forget...

Forget…

It is so easy to forget.  Time passes and people forget. During Chemo, I forgot a lot.  I forgot the wash was in the machine.  I forgot to take my hat off before stepping into the shower.  I forgot to pack Ruthie bagels for lunch one day…..ooops…

Last October (10/24) I sat in a chair and had my last dose of chemo pumped into my body.  I knew the following days were going to be hell because it was Taxol that was being infused into my body.   

However, at the end of the week, my friends, family, and colleagues had planned a walk for me.  I was psyched. I was pumped. I knew the Taxol was going to be super painful but the walk was going to be my light at the end of the tunnel.  There were going to be tons of people there and I couldn’t let them down. I had to go and I had to walk. I had to show everyone that I was going to be ok.

Well……funny thing happened…..it snowed…..and snowed…..and snowed……and people were snowed in and people lost power.   

The walk was cancelled and I was bummed.  I had already learned that you can’t change some things and you just have to deal with them and move on.  So I moved on…..

May came and I walked with a friend and members of my town. I had just had surgery not too long ago so I was exhausted and couldn’t do the entire mile or so.  I was disappointed with myself but vowed that I will get back to that walk and run it next year.  So this May, I hope many of you will join me in my journey and run or walk with me.

A few months ago, my dear friend Adele asked me if I wanted to walk with her in NY City.   I wanted to but wasn’t sure how well I would do. Time passed by and Adele continued to send me emails and asking me to sign up with her.  Of course it was during the last week of pre-sign-ups and I signed up and got myself ready for the walk.  Totally didn’t read all of what I was signing up for.  I signed up for a five mile walk in Central Park.  What a beautiful day it turned out to be.  Not a snowflake in the sky.  There were tons and tons of people there.  Most of the people were not survivors but just ordinary people who were walking to raise money to help find a cure for cancer.  I was sort of a celebrity since I was a survivor. I went to the front of the line for the start of the walk. They usually have the survivors go to the front.  There was a father standing there with two girls who were about Ruthie and Elisheva’s age.  He said to them “girls, you know how I said we would see a survivor, she is a survivor.”  After hearing this, I turned to the girls and said, “Yes, I am a survivor and I have girls your age.  Thank you for walking.”  Then as we walked, there were people constantly saying “we have a survivor here” and then lots of cheering.  It was totally spirit lifting and motivating.  So let’s not forget where we were a year ago and let’s not forget where we are today.

I had an amazing day!  I had an amazing time living life and being so thankful to be ALIVE and to be a SURVIVOR!


I came home to a nice surprise from Stephen!

Two magical moments

Two magical moments...

Today my school had a wear pink for breast cancer day. Teachers could donate to a walk that I am participating in on Sunday in NYC in exchange for wearing denim. It was amazing to see all the pink and the support. I wore a pink shirt that said "I wear pink for myself." (thanks Dominque!)

In class one student said "I like your shirt." 

I said "thank you" and continued on with my lesson.

Another student responded with "wait, wait, wait, what do you mean you wear pink for yourself?"

He was genuinely concerned. 

I said "last year I had cancer." I won't lie I had tears in my eyes. I am not one for attention and didn't really want to think back to the chemo, surgery, and radiation. But I am a teacher and everything is a lesson. So I let the conversation take place.

The concerned student said "but your here? You are ok then? You beat it? Right?"

I looked him in the eyes and said with confidence "yes, I am ok and I beat the cancer"

Then from a girl in the back I hear, "you beat it with a baseball bat!"

In a second, my teary eyed face changed into a huge smile and I laughed. And of course, it was back to history because I run a tight ship.

Magical moment #2

After a long day and craziness with the three kids, I see Stephen in a Pink shirt. At first I didn't realize it was on purpose. I thought it was just random. Who knew pink could be so powerful?

Here is a little pink fun...

Here is a little more  pink fun

Perspective

Perspective:

Here is a little story….once upon a time (two weeks ago) I had to go to my bimonthly oncology appointment.  During these appointments I get blood drawn to make sure all my levels are ok.  Let’s just say Shua was not happy watching this event.  I didn’t want to turn him around so he couldn’t see me because then he would freak out.  Well, letting him watch was a mistake.  He went nuts.  Eventually we calmed him down with a bandaid to put on his “booboo.”  I had to take my bandaid off as soon as I got home, so he would know that I was ok.  I got my flu shot during this appointment as well.  I learned from my mistake and made sure Shua was not watching this event. I parked his stroller in front of the fish tank.  I had to get my flu shot in one of the chairs where I used to get Chemo infusions.  I parked the stroller and then sat in a chair.  Shua is a smart boy and new something was up.  He kept trying to turn around to see what I was doing. I made sure he faced forward by being rather silly and trying to distract him with the fish.  The place was pretty dead (which is good to see that there were not a lot of people being treated with chemo that day) so I felt ok being somewhat loud and ridiculous in order to keep Shua content.  There was a man in his 50’s getting chemo. His wife was with him but was on the phone for most of my fish tank craziness.  I could see the man watching me and laughing a little.  I got the flu shot and Shua had no clue!  Success!  As I started to leave the room, the nurse grabbed the back of my hair and said “wow, it is coming in so nice, I love it!” At this point I was standing right next to the man getting chemo (who was sitting in my favorite spot).  Shua started to say “hi” to him, so we stopped for a quick chat.  The woman asked me how long it took to get my hair back. I said “this time last year I was bald as a baby.”  The man then said “I am kind of liking it.”  I said “I loved being bald, showers were quick, no need to shave.  The only downside was that it was got rather cold and I always had my head covered because I was freezing.”  The woman then said something about hair not being important and bald men were “in” now.  The man said it must have been hard because it is different for women to lose their hair.  I then said “hair is overrated.”  The man said “wow, what a great attitude.”  I had to tell him that a 12 year old boy set things straight for me and helped me deal with losing my hair.  (Thanks Lenn! I still have that text where you put things in perspective for me!)  Shua started to say “bye-bye” to the man.  That was my cue to get moving before he freaks out again.  As I walk down the hallway I hear the man start talking to the nurse.  “Wow she did all this with a baby?”  The nurse said “yes, and she has more children too.”  The man then said “wow, if she could do it how can I complain.”  Sometimes seeing someone else’s life experiences helps puts things in perspective.  As I continued out of the office, I had that superwoman feeling for a moment.  It was a great feeling!

My friend who started her journey weeks before I was diagnosed is having surgery soon.  Her tissue expander surgery didn’t go as smoothly as mine.  I was super lucky to heal after radiation and to have my next surgery on time.  I recently spent some time with my fellow warrior.  She was calm and not freaking out about the next upcoming surgery. I know if it was me, I would be mad at the world, angry that I had to go through another surgery.  I would probably have said “it’s not fair” a dozen of times or so.  I am truly amazed with her grace with this bump in the road. I am amazed that she is so calm with knowing that it will be a tough next six weeks.  I am amazed with her knowing that she will be back to drains and limited arm movement and loose, easy to put on clothing.  I am amazed that she is back to having others do so much for her.  It is so hard to let others help once you have become independent again.  She just amazes me and is the real superwoman.

This one is for you… just change the "I" to "you"